Tread lightly with info regarding brother’s wife

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My brother’s new wife is young and a big flirt. When he was sick at Christmas, she went to our town’s holiday dance without him. She came with her best single girlfriend, and both were doing a lot of flirting with guys. My brother’s spouse even went out to a guy’s car for a smoke at the break.

It made me feel sick and upset, and it’s still bothering me. Should I tell my brother about this or keep my mouth shut to keep the peace? Other people were at the dance and watched it happen, too.

— Upset Younger Sister, Pembina Valley

Dear Upset: It depends on what you call “flirting.” If that means waltzing closely with another guy at the dance, it probably doesn’t. But leaving the dance, for instance to “go for a smoke” alone together in a car, would not be such a cool thing for a married person to do, unless it was known to be with a harmless buddy.

If you think you have a report to give to your brother, talk to his wife first and get her story. If you still want to talk to your brother, then be very careful and do not add any embellishments to help make your case. In a worst-case scenario, they could gang up and you could lose both of them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a birthday coming up and I asked my husband for a new diamond ring to replace the tiny one he gave me when we were very poor young kids and wanting to get married.

He actually got tears in his eyes. He said, “When I gave you that little diamond you said you’d cherish it and wear it forever.”

Then he went out for a drive, which is what he does if he’s so upset he might cry or say something to me in anger.

He’s right and I’m ashamed. I did say that. But years later, I’ve become sick of this minuscule rock, cute as it was back when we were 19 and 20.

Now it feels like I’ve done something wrong and hurtful in asking my husband to replace it. Was I supposed to wait until he wanted to do that himself? I don’t think he ever would have because he seems to feel so sentimental about the one I have. Please help.

— Stepped In it, Wolseley

Dear Stepped In It: Men can be very sentimental, too. Try to think back to the sweet things you said about that precious little diamond and what it meant to you and your guy in the beginning.

Maybe you should have suggested adding to it, such as combining it with a new, more-substantial diamond, but not chucking the precious little sparkler that symbolized your early love.

That’s what’s hurting your man. It seems he was living under the illusion that you still loved that little thing — and maybe you do. You can still straighten this out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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