Best not to overshare your feelings just yet

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in love with this girl but haven’t told her yet because she’s shy, and besides, she hasn’t told me she loves me yet. We’ve been dating nine weeks — long enough to know.

I thought I would spring it on her on Valentine’s Day, as I’m planning to buy her a necklace with “I love you” engraved inside a pendant.

But I’m a little worried. When I give it to her, what if there’s just a big silence, and I want to die? How can I get some kind of guarantee before I say it?

— Love Problem, East Kildonan

Dear Love Problem: You really need to feel this out, rather than jumping in with engraved jewelry. Instead, as a gift, give your girlfriend a pendant in a heart shape to wear around her neck. That would be a big hint, and silently say the words in your heart.

You would be giving her something she can accept happily and show off to her friends without making a deal for a long future with you. Both of you may have several different sweethearts as you mature.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I broke up with my new guy recently over money. I am from a family with money and he was insecure and jealous about that.

Finally, my mom explained to me that guys often feel they have to be in the same situation financially as the woman in their lives. For me, that discounts a lot of guys. I definitely can’t start relationships by asking what kind of money someone has.

When I told my dad my problem, he surprised me by suggesting I should go to university in a different city and be anonymous. I love this city and don’t want to go away and leave everyone I know. So, what are my choices if I stay?

— Not Leaving For Anything. Westwood

Dear Not Leaving: If you want to meet a guy for a serious romance in the same financial situation as you’re used to, then it’s best to start studying and training for a career now.

Why not go for the career of your dreams? Even if you get married and quit working when your children are growing, you can go back to work part time or full time when you’re ready. And, I’m sad to have to say this, but so many marriages break up now that it’s best to be prepared to independently support your children to a great extent, if need be.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had too much to drink and clocked a woman who tried to grab my purse going out the door of my favourite bar. I just held on to my shoulder bag and pulled her hair hard until she screamed and let go.

The bar owners interviewed people afterwards and knew it was really her fault. They have forbidden her to come back to the bar unless she apologizes to me and promises not to bother me again.

She has just phoned to apologize to me, but in a very sarcastic voice. I could tell she just wanted to get back into the bar.

I told her I wouldn’t accept her fake apology. She had the nerve to hang up on me. But now I’m thinking she’ll probably get drunk and go after me again. What can I do?

— Loving My Bar, Transcona

Dear Loving My Bar: Next time you want to go to your favourite bar, phone ahead and warn the bar manager you’re coming back, and on which night. Then go early with friends.

This woman isn’t likely to target you again after getting banned the first time. That’s not to say she won’t pick a fight with someone else, but she’ll probably keep her mitts off you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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