Conversation hog not a good fit for long haul

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m freaking out because the new man I’ve just started dating is extremely hot-looking, but he’s a terrible conversation hog. He always competes with me, saying things like, “Wait, wait! Listen to this!” and then he’ll take over the conversation.

I have my own thoughts and opinions, and I really don’t appreciate being shouted down. What can I do to even things out?

— Feeling Worn Out, West Kildonan

Dear Worn Out: This man is not going to last, unless you continue to be so bowled over by his looks, you can overlook being shut down conversationally. Rather than sticking around and trying to change a conversation hog, just say boldly, “Listen, I don’t enjoy competing with your one-way conversations!”

If he replies with something snarky like, “I’ll try to slow down to give you a chance to keep up with me,” just say, “No thanks! I’ve had enough,” and walk away. No loss!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a new co-worker at the business where I work (my first big job) and I can’t stop trying to find excuses to bump into her.

I stop by her office and say good morning to her every day. Do I have to hide my flirting at work?

— First Big Job, Fort Garry

Dear First Big Job: If this co-worker gives your flirting attempts the cold shoulder, you really need to lay off, as continuing such behaviour could be considered harassment at some point.

But if, after a while, you two get together, everybody will know you’re a duo. Some workplaces care and some don’t, so much.

Most people engaging in office romances — from having lunches together, to actually dating — try to be discreet, at least in the beginning.

Others look at it this way: you have 16 hours outside of the office to flirt and play, so keep your open affection for then, as it’s a smarter move than “showing off” your romance at work.

There are people who say office romances are just fine, until you break up, and work can be terribly uncomfortable. Some people have actually had to quit great jobs because of that. They say it’s hell on Earth to be heartbroken and out of work at the same time!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a lesbian and I’ve had two dates with a new woman. She has already revealed she wants a real commitment before she sleeps with me.

I admit I laughed! This is 2026. I can commit to “being great in bed” because I’m a good lover, but I’m not sure I want to be stuck with a woman who’s so pushy about commitment so early on. What do you think?

— Busy Woman, St. James

Dear Busy Woman: People who are making rules and deals about sleeping with each other right off the top have missed the whole point of first dates. The idea is to be open and interested in finding out about one another other as people first, and then possibly as lovers.

Instead of spinning your wheels over when to have sex, just go out together to a place with good food, and on to a bar with great dance music. Laugh and talk and see how you feel on the dance floor, talk a lot between dances, and feel the chemistry building — if it’s going to build. It often takes time to build a new passionate and loving relationship — and it also takes time to build real trust.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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