Failure to acknowledge history not a good sign

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My newly separated man recently invited me up to his family cabin. We drove up separately that night and had a wonderful time — until the next morning when he slept in.

I sat in the cabin bored stiff. Finally, I went snooping and spotted some old videos labelled “Friends and family,” and popped one in.

It was fun to see his boys when they were young — looking just like him — but it was a real shock to see his wife. She was playing with the kids who were calling out, “Mommy, watch what I can do.”

When she finally looked up and smiled into the camera, I recognized her. She was my older sister’s close friend in high school. Seeing her face looking up so happily at her husband shooting the video made me feel sick.

I grabbed my clothes, got in my car and drove home. When I got there, I had a message from this guy that said, “Found the video you watched — I thought you knew the connection already.” How would that have made it any better? What should I do now? He keeps calling and calling.

— Supremely Annoyed, St. Norbert

Dear Supremely Annoyed: Answer the next call and tell him that you recognized his ex-wife from being at your house with your sister — and to please leave you alone. You don’t owe this guy a more detailed explanation. He knows what you saw.

It seems certain he knew the connection between his wife and your sister, but didn’t think it was wise to mention it. So just write him off.

You would also be wise to do a bit of research on someone you start dating. The internet can be your friend for a bit of investigation.

Luckily, you had your own car for this out-of-town situation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: First off, I’m a bisexual woman. I have one OK guy in my life for dating and casual sex.

I recently made a list of a couple of sweet girls I would like to date, and have seen one of them now for drinks. Sadly, our first date was a nasty experience in rejection.

She’s definitely a lesbian but said I was not her type.

I asked what her type was, and she curled her lip and said, “I don’t know — but you’re not it.”

I found that rude and annoying. What’s her big problem?

— Rejected, St. James

Dear Rejected: Don’t waste another nanosecond thinking about this woman. She was saying, “The bottom line is, I don’t feel turned on by you.” She couldn’t describe the type that turns her on — as many people can’t — but she just didn’t feel it for you.

Just shrug and accept it, and then say to yourself: “Too bad for her. She missed out on a gem,” and move on.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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