Think pink to cope with nasty night noise

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father-in-law lost his wife recently and lives on his own, way out of town. Recently he’s been asked to come in to the city for serious medical testing every two to three weeks.

My husband loves his dad a lot, so he invited him to stay with us overnight to sleep in our new downstairs bedroom with a big TV. Pop loved the idea and leapt at the chance. But he snores big-time!

And then, there’s Junior. The first night Dad stayed after his tests, our little boy appeared at my side of the bed, yelling, “Mommy, there’s a noise and I’m scared!” I knew better than to argue the point, so I just opened the blankets. He jumped in and went right back to sleep.

The next time Grandpa came to town, Junior showed up at our bedside complaining about scary lions roaring. It worked again.

Enough is enough, where my sleep is concerned, and there are more medical tests coming soon. I don’t know what to do now.

I suppose I could go and sleep in my kid’s single bed, but I don’t want that to become a full-time habit. What do you suggest?

— Overtired Mom, West Kildonan

Dear Overtired: You can muffle the problem with a small fan in your little one’s room and a monitor set up so you can hear him, if he really needs you.

Alternatively, you might try recordings of “pink noise” in your boy’s bedroom which softly mimic sounds of nature — like the sound of quiet rain falling, a gentle wind or rustling leaves.

Pink noise can be so soothing that it keeps both little people and their tired parents sound asleep all night — and that’s exactly what you need.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new husband’s first experience having sex was in a tent with his Grade 12 girlfriend. I don’t think he ever got over it.

A couple weeks back, I came home from work and he was thrilled to show me the tent he’d just bought, ready to pitch in our backyard. He could hardly wait to show me the bed he’ll make up, with a real mattress and a tiny beer fridge beside it, not to mention the little white party lights from the back door to our tent.

I tried to sound enthusiastic, but it was his high-school sex dream come true — not mine! He’s already experienced that with someone else. I actually know her now, as an adult, which makes it somehow worse.

He had romantic music playing softly, but it was of songs from his high-school era, when he was with her. It didn’t turn me on to be the stand-in for his former love!

I forced a smile, but then I couldn’t help it and I said, “This is not about me, and I won’t stay out there and be a substitute for your old-girlfriend fantasy.”

Then the air came out of his tires. We’re still not feeling turned on by each other, so how do we get past this? Would it help to return that stupid tent, or would that just make it worse?

— Not High-School Stand-In, Fort Richmond

Dear Stand-In: He didn’t walk down the aisle with just anybody in his past — he walked it with you! You won his heart, and when he recently tried to put you into his old fantasy dream, you rejected him. It’s time to stop looking backwards and making comparisons.

You two really need to come up with different ways to celebrate summer this year — like a cabin rental at a beautiful lake, and then totally let these old memories go.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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