Rushed nuptials not a tactic to deflect ex

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been living far away from my ex-girlfriend and loving the peace and privacy it affords. She’s a pushy woman and has her own business in Saskatchewan. She’s doing great and has even bought a house near her family. I hope she just stays there.

Originally, she had expected me to join her there after I graduate at the end of this school year. Then last fall I met a beautiful woman here in Manitoba. She’s the best — the one I really want to marry and she wants me, too, if I can only shake off my ex, who is still a problem.

She is really pestering me, and last night she threatened to call my new girlfriend to tell her to back off. To be honest, she scares me these days.

I wonder if I should try to hurry up a marriage with my new love. That would get my ex off my case, and my new girlfriend and I are both deeply in love with each other. What do you think?

— Hot Mess, Winnipeg

Dear Hot Mess: It’s not fair to hustle a quick marriage with your new partner just to fend off an old lover.

Regardless of the fact you two are smitten with one another, it’s a very impulsive move and one that could prove problematic.

Before you rashly jump into anything, it’s time for you to see a therapist to talk this situation out, as these two women have your head spinning.

Whatever you do, don’t start planning a hasty marriage as an escape. It isn’t fair to your new mate to marry her too soon and use her as a shield from your previous partner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband never finishes anything. We have his half-built ideas for the yard — such as a sandbox for the kids — sitting unassembled under the snow.

Then there’s a pile of wood for a fence and a garage that still needs insulating. We’re still parking outside. Almost every room in our house has some form of home-improvement project that’s in progress and just staying that way. No progress at all.

The worst part is if I ask my husband to finish anything, he tells me I’m nagging and reminds me of the all big work projects he’s already finished for his business so he can support us. Big deal. We don’t live at his office.

Sometimes he says he rushes to finish a project at home, just to get me off his back, regardless of the quality of the work. At this point I don’t even care.

I just don’t want to live in an active construction zone anymore. I would love if he quickly finished up all his projects, but if he would only finish even one job before starting another, we’d be winning.

How do I get this message through to him?

— Driving Me Crazy, Fort Richmond

Dear Driving Me Crazy: Like many people who are busy at their workplace, there just isn’t enough time on evenings and weekends to bring your husband’s projects to fruition. Therefore, it’s time to locate a handyperson who will take on the job of finishing up your husband’s oldest projects — those that are really annoying both your hubby and you.

If the handiwork is good, and being done quickly by a professional, your husband will enjoy seeing his visions for the home completed. Then he can happily tinker away at other existing ones in his free time.

Like a lot of busy people, minor-league tinkering is all he really wants to do. But he’ll be happier and so will you, and that’s the whole idea when you live with someone you love.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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