Best not totally stifle wife’s lake socializing

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I always feel romantic and very sexual up at the lake. But my new wife of just a year, who is a fair bit younger than I am, is too busy socializing to notice I’m in need of her affection.

She’s primarily occupied with meeting new neighbours, hitting the beach and drinking cocktails. She’s already met a lot of the early-bird beach people on our weekends up this spring, and they think she’s just great.

I drive into town to stock the fridge and buy liquor for the constant gathering of guests on our deck. My new wife is totally happy being busy with socializing.

My ex-wife was a serious non-drinker, but I don’t criticize my new spouse about her alcohol intake. To be honest though, I really don’t want to spend all summer constantly entertaining and drinking with the new friends.

Also, some of her relatives would love to come up, but I’d rather not be a hotel for them either. How do I tell my mate to stop inviting more and more people out? I’d rather watch the sun go down with my sexy lady, alone. I guess I’m a bit of a party pooper.

— Romantic Lake Guy, The Maples

Dear Romantic: Think twice about reining in your new wife. Choose to see what unfolds this summer before you start up with that. You’d be really sorry if you quashed her friendly, loving nature by making her feel self-conscious about that aspect of her personality.

It may be best to pick your moments for intimacy. If there’s a rainy weekend in the forecast, there may not be much of a social scene at the lake with many staying in the city, so stock up on some wine and snacks you know your wife loves, and also have some romantic movies lined up. If she’s more the playful type, find some two-person board or card games and get some flirty competition going.

A cool weekend is also the perfect time to snuggle up in front of a fire — that’s sure to warm things up between you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Help! I just found out my older sister is speaking to me again after last summer, when she caused a lot of trouble over my decision to take my young wife travelling.

I took her to Europe to meet our relatives. I funded it with the inheritance left by our dad.

My sister displayed her disappointment in me by not contacting me at all — until just recently, right out of the blue for no real reason.

I didn’t miss her much for most of the year, but oddly now I do, since the anger eased up between us. She’s a lot of fun on holidays and I guess she was jealous when I didn’t take her. What’s your advice here?

— Want Sister Back, Tuxedo

Dear Want Sister Back: When siblings have nasty fights, they need to agree on some guidelines to reunite and feel less stressed around one another. Some close relatives can afford to joust playfully — but it seems you two simply cannot.

So, be aware of what can happen between you two, and back off right away from anything remotely close to another clash. Just give in and quickly introduce another topic!

You says she’s great on holidays, so why not include her in a fun family trip this summer? But maybe not a long one!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I — a lesbian couple — own a lot of things 50/50. But I recently bought a boat for our cottage, and although my mate earns more than I do, she didn’t want to share that big cost.

I must say that she rides in the boat whenever I do, even though she claims not to value expensive boats, “when you only use them a few months a year.”

It’s not just a pricey toy — this boat is bigger and safer for hauling all our stuff!

I kicked in half for her sporty convertible a few years ago, which she only drives four months of the year. I happily contributed because I knew how much she loved it.

You could say the same for this beautiful boat! So what’s her problem?

— Money Problem, Norwood

Dear Money Problem: Something is missing from this money equation. It may be how much surplus cash your girlfriend actually has now and also could have something to do with debts. Maybe things are tighter for her than she admits, and putting out a wad for a boat wouldn’t be feasible.

If you’re going to share costs on special items, you really need to know how much difficulty it would cause for each of you to chip in half.

Could you be happy with your mate chipping in a lower percentage this time? Why not ask her? It could be enough to smooth things over.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography