Ready to crack over late-night ‘snacks’

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new love has a seriously annoying habit that could break us up now that we’re actually living together.

I’m not getting much sleep, and it has nothing to do with having too much sex! Every night at about 2 a.m., my man gets up and goes to the fridge, makes a giant sandwich and pours a huge glass of apple juice, then sits there scarfing it down, with music on for a bit of entertainment. This often wakes me up, and when I complain he just invites me to join him “for a bite.”

Really? The last thing I need is to eat a fourth meal of the day in the middle of the night. He says it’s an old habit from his football days, when he was so hungry all the time and he still enjoys it. He says he isn’t about to change that for me, so, tough luck.

It’s a big problem as I can’t just fall back to sleep after he rattles around the kitchen and then comes back and jumps back into bed with me.

So what now? It’s not very romantic sleeping with this guy who behaves like a teenager in the middle of a growth spurt.

— Dog-Tired, St. Norbert

Dear Dog-Tired: You’re absolutely right that this could be a deal-breaker, as sabotaging a mate’s work-night slumber can’t be sustained without giving rise to many negative impacts.

Your man curtly saying “tough luck” to your concerns over this behaviour simply isn’t acceptable. Good relationships are built on compromise, so he really needs to bend somewhat here.

You could recommend he prepares his late-night “snacks” ahead of time in the evening, which would cut out his clanking food-prep noise and get him back to bed sooner, with you. And as for the soundtrack for his nocturnal noshing, perhaps he could show you some respect by using earphones. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve managed to keep a serious romantic relationship going with an older American man I met on holiday last winter — until now.

We hit it off big-time and he’s flown to visit me here several times, and I’ve been to “his territory,” as he calls it, once. He really wants me to move to the U.S., but I love Canada and have family and an important career here.

He just went home a few days ago after visiting me and all my family, at our lake cottages, which he loved. He really enjoyed spending time with my relatives and they loved him immediately.

His international company has local branches, so he could work here if he wanted to do so badly enough. The thing is, he’s divorced but has grown kids living near him in the U.S., along with grandkids he dotes on. So, we’re at a bit of a stalemate!

How much time do you invest in a serious relationship if you’re becoming pretty confident it isn’t going to work out?

— Seriously Worried, St. Vital

Dear Seriously Worried: You could afford to invest more time in a fun relationship between two countries, but not a more serious one like you’ve been developing with this man.

Some people involved in more-casual liaisons travel back and forth and go on romantic trips together for years. But your relationship is different. It isn’t just for fun, and that means you’re going to have to work out what you’re going to do, and soon.

On top of wrestling with these issues with him, see a relationship counsellor on your own. You need to discuss your competing love affairs — with your man and with your nation.

Some people just can’t adopt another country as their own and leave theirs behind. Others may think of it as an adventure, and then there are those who try out a mate’s nation with an extended “holiday.” Either it works for them, or they’re just too homesick to make the leap and stay there forever.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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