Uncaring hubby fell flat at first hurdle

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I re-rented my favourite summer cabin this fall because I’m trying to finish my thesis. My husband of just over a year was very annoyed with me for going on my own, but didn’t say much about it because I paid.

I thought we were both OK with this arrangement, until I got the flu up at the lake very badly and couldn’t keep anything down. I felt faint. I phoned him and he said he was at a party with the guys. I could hear music and girls laughing.

He wouldn’t come for me, so at 4 a.m. when I was getting even more sick and scared, I drove back to the city unannounced.

I went straight to my parents’ house and pretty much fell through the door. Mom said to me when she grabbed me: “This is not right. You could have died in the ditch. Where is your husband?”

Then I heard her and dad talking in the living room. They would never treat each other that badly.

I don’t feel loved, like they both do. I feel like just leaving my husband with no counselling first. What do you think? The jerk doesn’t love and respect me.

— Married to a Loser, River Heights

Dear Married to Loser: Your husband was clearly having way too much fun at his party in the city to come get you at the cottage and take care of you. So what if you might have passed out or threw up driving, and veered off the highway into the ditch? He didn’t care.

A better idea than driving a long distance may have been emergency services or an ambulance in the area to take you to the nearest hospital.

This immature husband of yours is already missing in action at the first serious life event. Band together with your own family and consider options, possibly including a quick marriage exit.

Be sure to give your husband’s parents a loud dingle, sharing your side of the story on what’s happening with their boy. No doubt he has given them a different story. They may or may not believe it — so let them know the shabby truth from your side.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a man in my 30s who just ran into the gorgeous bisexual woman I almost married last summer.

We had been living at my apartment and had a big fight one month before our wedding was to happen because of her sexual “slip-up” with an ex-girlfriend she had promised she’d stopped seeing. I caught the two women in our own bed.

My fiancée’s excuse was laughable. She said she was just saying her goodbye before getting married to me. She said she didn’t think one last time together would hurt anybody.

She swore she was going to be through with women and just wanted a hubby, a home and a little family.

She didn’t seem too interested in planning our wedding after that, and she let me catch her with that same girlfriend again not long after. They have taken off together now. Good riddance.

My brother says I should thank my lucky stars she’s gone and hasn’t called to say she’s pregnant. Why am I always getting pushed around and used in relationships?

I’m having a hard time concentrating on my job, and my position comes with a lot of responsibility. What should I do? I feel sicker every day.

—Taken For a Ride, Fort Richmond

Dear Taken: You were almost taken for a ride on the marriage and baby train, but you managed to jump off before it got going too fast. Good for you.

You need to find a relationship counsellor now and work through things so you’re wiser and less desperate for love when you meet someone new who attracts you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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