Gardener might have planted red-headed seed

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This article was published 01/04/2016 (3518 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My great aunt is getting loose lips. She gave me a cocktail, and then finished the whole pitcher herself. By the end, I found out stuff about my mother that has kept me up at night. My aunt said my mom “got around” so much in her youth, I’m seriously wondering who my real father is. I don’t look like my mom or my dad. I have bright red hair and no one else in the family does. There is, however, a man who has been my mother’s gardener and handyman all her life. He has bright red hair and brown eyes like mine, and has always been fond of me, giving me little toys and dolls over the years. He even made me a doll house when I was four.

My aunt dropped strong enough hints that I am wondering if he is really my biological father. The dad I knew is dead now — he was the best dad in the world, and so kind he was almost innocent. If the man who is my mother’s friend is actually my father, should I have a relationship with him? I am 22.

— Unsure and Nervous, West End

Dear Unsure and Nervous: When he comes to deal with the garden this spring, take a chair outside and start a casual conversation. Mention how much alike your hair is, and then your eyes, and then your basic look. He may welcome the conversation, knowing where it’s leading, or stab himself in the foot with the pitchfork because he’s so nervous.

You must express your feelings about the truth coming out. Say you think you have figured it out and are OK with the idea now you’re old enough and your dad is gone and can’t be hurt. Ask the gardener if he would be able to talk with you about it, either there or somewhere more private over coffee. You could approach your mom first, but then there’s the danger she will forbid you to open this topic with him. It’s interesting that he’s stayed around all these years. Was it a way to see you, perhaps the little girl he lost? Do you think he and your mom have kept up a relationship, or have re-established one now your dad is gone?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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