Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:  I have a secret problem. I love my husband’s brother almost as much as I love him.

My brother-in-law is not as good-looking, but he’s funny and understanding. My husband? Not so much. He’s more serious and rule-oriented, but much sexier. That counts in the attraction department, which matters a lot when you’re married for life.

I hear sex is the first thing to go when people have been married awhile, and my auntie told me they sometimes get the "seven-year itch," although it might come even earlier. I find myself wondering if my brother-in-law might be even better in bed, as he’s so much fun.

I wish I could be married to both of them at once, but that can never happen. What should I do? — Attracted to Both Brothers, Winnipeg

Dear Attracted: Danger ahead! Back off this friendship with the funny, understanding brother ASAP. If you continue down this lane, you could ruin your marriage and tear to shreds the deep love between these two brothers, as well.

Yes, it’s tempting to flirt with Mr. Funny and Understanding, but you really need to amp up the fun factor in your marriage. Since you love humour and deep talks that bring out connection, you need to develop those things between you and your partner. That could be a real gift to your husband and your marriage.

By the way, he may be feeling jealous watching you laughing and talking closely with his brother. Don’t hurt your husband like that! He’s the person who loved you so sincerely, he wanted to marry you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother wants me to become a scientist or a doctor. These are her own areas of interest at work, and I have always been enthusiastic when she comes home and tells me her medical experiences.

My real interest is art, but she just shakes her head when I start telling her that, as if it isn’t important enough to even consider.

Her money is going to be paying for my university — money she has saved as a single working mother. I wish she didn’t have a dream for me that’s attached to that money.

I know she wouldn’t want to pay for a degree in fine arts which is what I really want. How can I change her feelings? She is a pushy woman, but I can’t let mom shove me down a path I don’t want to take.

I’m in Grade 10 now and university is not that far away. Please help! — Different From My Mom, Brandon

Dear Different: Instead of taking a full "scholarship" from mom, how about saving your own money and paying for a part of university? Then she may not feel she has the right to "guide" you into science.

Lots of young people work at part-time jobs, and save their money. Then their parents can see they are serious about what type of education they want.

It doesn’t have to be a 50/50 deal because your mom obviously earns more, but your chunk should be four figures going in and you should work part-time, even during school, to maintain some independence. Also look into scholarships and bursaries.

Keep on producing art at home, framing it and putting it up so there’s a visual commitment to art in your house.

Good luck with mama! She loves you dearly, I’m sure, but that doesn’t give her the right to push you down a career path you don’t want to take.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I literally bumped into a guy I used to like in high school, and smashed his tail light. He got out all mad, and then he saw it was me.

I asked him to let me pay for the damage privately and he said he’d talk to his friend who has a garage for a quick estimate. It came back much higher than I ever dreamed, so we’re doing the Autopac thing.

I’d hoped the private payment idea would mean we’d have to communicate a bit more. But then he called me again anyway!

We’ve been talking on the phone for two weeks, and the last time he casually mentioned he had a girlfriend, but it was fading out. What should I do? — Worried Now, Southdale

Dear Worried Now: Tell him you’ve enjoyed chatting and hope he’ll give you a call, if he’s ever free again. He’ll know what that means.

Continuing with him now will give him the message it’s OK if he cheats on a girlfriend. Not a good message to send out! Telling you about his girlfriend was a subtle test.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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