Respond to stalking behaviour through legal means

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This article was published 20/10/2020 (2175 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I looked out my bedroom window just before dark and saw a man I recognized. He was standing under my window, behind some bushes.

He was older-looking than I remembered, from when I was going out with him only five years ago — but still recognizable.

I was so mad — another typical stalking stunt, like he pulled after I broke up with him. I opened the window, waved my phone, and yelled, “I’m calling the cops!” He took off on the run.

But I did not call the police. He’s harmless and wouldn’t hurt a fly, but he has never gotten over me.

I should tell you I was drunk and picked him up in a bar, took him home for a hot weekend, and then a few more. Then it was over for me.

I told him, but he didn’t get it. He kept trying to see me, and would come out when it got dark to stare from the back lane at my bedroom window, like he did again the other night.

He’s alcoholic and could never hurt a fly, but he got so creepy that my brother (who’s big and and looks like a thug) had to go over to his house and tell him to stay away from me or he’d get a beating.

That worked for five years. This time I’ve only caught him the once, but who knows how long he’s been spying on me. Now what? — Really Fed Up, central Winnipeg

Dear Fed Up: Your brother’s warning kept him at bay for five years, so it’s likely your loud warning about calling the police will keep him away again.

Still, you should call the police, or even see a lawyer to send him a sternly worded letter about where his stalking behaviour could land him.

Once his behaviour has been duly noted by someone in the legal system, and he’s been put on notice, he will probably leave you alone.

If not, you must make a complaint to the police.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is sugar sweet — to everyone else. At home, behind closed doors, she treats me like garbage. I’m 18, and desperate to move out after the last horrible fight.

I’m a reminder of how she lost my father. She has the nerve to call him “the only man I ever loved.” Ha! He left her because, when I was born, I was the wrong colour.

My mother had cheated on him when she was drunk at the bar, and she’d gambled I’d be light and her husband would believe I was his. It didn’t work out that way.

My girlfriend is older than I am, and has her own little apartment. She’d take me in, but I’m scared of her getting pregnant to trap me. She loves me, and is probably the only one who does, but I have trust issues with women.

What do you think I should do? I have no idea who my father is, and I doubt my mother does either.

I have a job delivering food for a restaurant, but it doesn’t pay much. Please help. — Desperate To Move, Winnipeg

Dear Desperate: Your girlfriend is the only practical solution right now, unless you can move in with a guy friend.

If you do move in with your girlfriend, you must be honest that you just want to stay for a few months or so, until you get on your feet.

You must pay some rent, even if she says you don’t need to, so things are more equal.

Then make sure you take responsibility for the birth control, each and every time, help around the apartment, and chip in for food. Good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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