Let ex-wife’s makeover be a wake-up call

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This article was published 03/11/2021 (1777 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my ex-wife and I was blown away. She looked like a million bucks! That makes some kind of sense, because her new husband is worth many millions and now she can buy anything she wants. I thought she must be using expensive face cream, but then I realized all her lines were gone, and she was also in great shape. She looks many years younger — and we are almost exactly the same age.

With my drinking problem and the chain smoking, I know I look like an old man beside her now.

Still, she seemed pleased to see me, like you would an old friend. I just stood there, not knowing what to say. Finally, I said, “You look good.” It was impossible for her to return the compliment.

I always took pride in my looks when I was with her, but I guess I stopped caring. Maybe it’s time to quit a few things like drinking and barbecuing my face with smoke. What do you think? Is it too late?

— Drunk and Depressed Again, Transcona

Dear Drunk and Depressed: Consider the chance meeting with your ex-wife a wake-up call from the universe. She looked at you and you looked back, and saw your present reflection in her eyes. You didn’t always look that way and you weren’t always so depressed and dependent on liquor. At one time she loved what she saw and who you were, enough to marry you. You need to get help with all that’s dragging you down — and the drinking is first.

To get the support you need, Alcoholics Anonymous is a good bet. For more information, visit aamanitoba.org or call their central office number at 204-942-0126 or 1-877-942-0126 toll-free. If you are lonely as well as depressed, AA counsellors and the members you will meet can also help with that — if you let them. You have to really want to, and it seems you do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I reunited with my high school love and everything has been amazing. He treats me like a queen. He doesn’t go overboard — just does enough to let me know he cares. Since last April I’ve wanted to say those three little words — “I love you” — but I chicken out.

He does things indirectly, like sending me a video of the highway he’s driving on and singing When You’re in Love with a Beautiful Woman, but he’s never said it to me outright. Is he doing what he normally does and giving me hints?

I want to tell him in the worst way, but I’m so scared of being rejected, yet he has never given me reason to believe he’s not interested in me. I’ve met his family and his friends, and his sister loves me. I feel the same towards her — she’s very sweet.

We are together more often than not. Next issue! We have not had sex in months! He’s constantly saying he’s fat but he really isn’t a huge man, like he thinks he is. I agree, we both can stand to lose weight, but is that what’s affecting the sex part? I sleep there every Saturday night. We watch a movie in bed and we cuddle and fall asleep. That’s it. I’m not sure if he’s just feeling down about himself and how he looks. We both just turned 52.

— The Overthinker, Winnipeg

Dear Overthinker: For many people this man’s age, making the “I love you” declaration is followed by “and I want to marry you.” He’s not saying that. Why? You two have a big problem as a couple — the sex ran out. It used to be part of the relationship, but now it hasn’t been happening for months and both of you are avoiding talking about it.

Is it actually the weight that’s worsening and he feels disgusted with himself? Both of you have weight to lose and that could be addressed together by eating healthier and working out. Or does this man perhaps have problems with erectile dysfunction (ED), and he doesn’t know how to talk about it? In that case, he needs to see his doctor to find out what’s happening and what can be done for him. There are ED medications available, if they’re safe for his medical situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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