There are secular options to aid with sobriety

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This article was published 01/06/2022 (1581 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My relationship with alcohol is not productive. I’m tired of losing whole days of work to hangovers. I recently decided I wanted to quit drinking, but here’s the problem: Every addiction program I can find seems to have some sort of religious or spiritual aspect to it.

I’m a staunch atheist and I don’t want to have to compromise my beliefs (or lack thereof) just because all the programs have some level of a “giving yourself over to a higher power” message. I refuse to engage with religion to solve my brain’s problem with addiction.

Does such a program exist? It’s starting to feel like I’ll never find a support group that isn’t in some way Christian or Christian-adjacent. I refuse to pretend, just to get help. This is non-negotiable and it’s starting to become a problem in my life as I continue to search for help I can’t seem to find. Thanks in advance.

— Drinking Everything but the Kool-Aid, Windsor Park

Dear Everything but the Kool-Aid: There is a group in the city which is a secular (non-religious) offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s called Agnostics in AA with meeting information at aamanitoba.org/meetings/agnostics-in-aa. Or, you can phone the AA main office at 204-942-0126. The group’s contact tells me they’re still having all meetings online as COVID continues, but are now in the process of looking for a new meeting place.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know my girlfriend has started cheating. Still, I don’t want to lose her. She’s hurt and angry because don’t want to get married. I think she is aiming to bring me to my knees, by doing this. Instead, her behaviour has only made me look outside the relationship to get even.

I know, I know! We’re both acting like fools, because in the end, we deeply love each other. I don’t know what to do now.

— Not a Marrying Guy, Downtown

Dear Not a Marrying Guy: This is the end! Now you either make up and marry, or you leave her for good. Left to go on like this, a tit-for-tat cheating game will destroy both of you, in an ugly way. Talk openly to a relationship counsellor — even once — to find out why you don’t want to marry the woman you love. Then enlighten the woman you’re now losing, one way or the other.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just wanted to add to your advice to “Pickling Grandpa” who plays pickleball with his grandson. (I told Gramps to keep playing with his little grandson, but to stop debating the sport’s worth with his jealous son. —Miss L.)

Grandpa is very correct that our fast-growing sport of Pickleball does not get the respect it deserves — some of our adult kids don’t “get it” either! Other than a goofy name, the game is exciting to play, great exercise, good with sportsmanship, excellent for eye-hand coordination and a very social team game. It could even a sport we will soon see in the summer Olympics!

I think Grandpa should just continue to enjoy the opportunity of bonding with his grandson — and his grown son needs to grow up and appreciate the time his father has left to share with his family.

Some of us older “adult kids” lost our fathers much too soon, and we miss them very much. We’d have loved to have had more time to enjoy watching Jets games together or playing Pickleball. Life is too short to make a big “dill” out of a fun game with Grandpa!

— Sour Pickles, St. James

Dear Sour Pickles: Thanks for writing in on this issue. Pickleball is picking up speed with many other age groups outside the seniors’ community. But Grandpa needs to fly under the radar by not trying to “sell” the sport to his son, who wants his own son involved only in sports where he could “go places.” Best not to goad him!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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