DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband’s a car guy and spends almost every paycheque on his car. We both still work, but it might as well just be me working, considering how little of his cash makes it into our account. I’m not much into cars, so he told me for years, "It’s a great investment, blah, blah, blah!"
I talked to a co-worker recently about my problem and they tipped me off that most custom cars are more like money pits rather than an investment.
I’m so furious he’s wasted all this money, but more so that he lied to me about it being an investment just to shut me up.
— Exploding All Over the &$#@ Place, Crescentwood
Dear Exploding: You should see a counsellor now, as you two need a referee. You need to draft a deal where he starts paying you back for money you spent on his "investment."
He can like it or lump it, and he may just tell you to take a hike. If you do, and you divorce, you’ll be living on all your own money for a change, and maybe the money from half a house — and perhaps half of the "investment car," if you get a really good lawyer.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend talks a big game about getting married and living together, but she has started to drink way more than in the beginning of our relationship and I’m started to have second thoughts.
She drinks almost five days a week and I’d bet good money she’d drink more than that if I wasn’t in the picture trying to stop her. I don’t drink much, so it’s not easy for me to just brush it under the rug.
Should I stay? Should I go? Is it worth trying to get her to go for help?
— Not Marrying a Drunk Like Mom, West End
Dear Not Marrying a Drunk: If you don’t get out before you marry a drinker just like your mom, you will always look back at this decision with regret.
The truth is, you are in a good position to leave. You are young and there are still many other women out there you could love just as much, and more. If you moved provinces or countries, there would still be other people. That’s how the planet sustains its population and is always full of couples and children.
It’s a myth that there’s just one, or "The One." I find that a most annoying and limiting expression. Humans can be suited to many partners.
So, don’t waste time and your youth trying to fix this woman — like you may have tried to fix your mom. It’s tempting to rescue the one you love from the drink. It’s a bit like proving that your mom could be rescued by a person who loved her.
So, be resolute and pack it up now and go looking for a woman who doesn’t have much of a relationship with alcohol. You could probably do with a real teetotaller, or at least a person who rarely drinks and could not care less about booze.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m the kind of guy who likes to be outside, go fishing and hiking. At my age, though, it’s been a struggle to find a partner who enjoys these same things. I’m in my 60s, retired and living my ideal life. I’m so happy having the ability to spend a week planning a day trip, then going ahead and doing it.
So far, I can only get a few of my old work buddies to join me, but in truth, I’d love to meet a woman who’d come out with me. How should I go about crossing paths with a fellow outdoors... woman?
— Looking For A Woodsy Lady, Fort Garry
Dear Looking For Woodsy: Investigate Oak Hammock Marsh Interpretive Centre or FortWhyte Alive, where this type of woman might be volunteering or teaching, or just enjoying the many activities. Really get involved and meet everybody you can. Bird-watching groups would include this kind of woman, too.
Also consider joining a hiking or walking group connected to Adventures for Successful Singles (204-775-3484) where everyone, like you, will be single adults from 35-75.
Please send your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.