Dismember the Titans

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This article was published 12/11/2011 (5435 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

One could safely assume that this film is a direct rip-off of Zack Snyder’s 300, given that it is a highly stylized, violent, R-rated epic involving ripped ancient Greek soldiers, winsome hottie oracles and a marauding army led by a ruthless tyrant.

OK, it’s all that. It’s also a bit of the recent Clash of the Titans, wherein a mortal man is given a boost by Greek gods in fulfilling his warrior destiny… in 3-D!

Bless his heart, director Tarsem Singh applies a baroque eye to the myth, distinct from the high-contrast graphic novel visuals Snyder borrowed from 300 artist Frank Miller. The opening frames depict those captive renegade gods the Titans freed from a subterranean cube. Singh imbues the mythology with fashionably sado-masochistic overtones: imagine The Iliad as interpreted by Caravaggio in collaboration with Jean-Paul Gautier.

The unharnessing of the Titans is viewed with alarm by the seer who envisions it, the virginal Sibylline Oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto). Phaedra intuits the culprit of the impending crime is King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke), a fierce warrior monarch intent on avenging himself against the silent gods for allowing his family to die.

Hyperion, we’re told, personally sees to the slaying of pregnant women captives. (It is somehow easy to imagine producers discussing the casting: “Let’s get Mickey Rourke for that.”) Hyperion applies his crazed ruthlessness to a specific mission to discover the whereabouts of the all-powerful Bow of Epirus, a weapon that shoots devastating arrows that may, when required, explode on impact. For that, he seeks out the Oracle.

Phaedra sees a potential saviour in a humble yet sinewy bastard named Theseus (Henry Cavill, the designated Man of Steel in the upcoming Superman reboot). The peasant Theseus has been disowned by his townspeople because he was conceived when his mother was raped. But he is not to be underestimated; he has learned mad martial skills courtesy of a mysterious old man (John Hurt) who loiters around the village.

Whoops. The old man is really Zeus (Luke Evans) in disguise. Zeus is bending his own rules, having decreed that he and his fellow gods are forbidden to interfere in the lives of mortal men. But the all-powerful deity is disturbed to see Hyperion edge ever closer to his goal of waging a war that will shatter the pantheon of the gods themselves. If Neptune is obliged to stay out of the game, Zeus reasons, Theseus may be enough to turn the tide.

As he proved with the weirdly esthetic serial-killer thriller The Cell, Singh has an exquisite eye for the lurid. He can make the most grisly battle sequence look positively artistic, which is saying something, given that the film’s hacky-slashy finale sees heads and body parts splatter like so many paint globules on a Jackson Pollock canvas.

Rourke wisely chooses to underplay Hyperion, a smart choice given the film’s visual excesses. Pinto (Slumdog Millionaire) stays classy: She could be in a Greek tragedy until it’s time for a nude scene, and then she gracefully relinquishes to a body double.

As for Cavill, he is apparently prepping for his Superman role here, which is to say, like past Supermen, he seems intent on making as little of an impression as possible.

The film may do some serious box office, but it’s not really a serious entry in the realm of the classics. Ultimately, Immortals is to Greek mythology what Ilsa She Wolf of the SS is to mid-20th century European history.

randall.king@freepress.mb.ca

Other voices

Excerpts from reviews of Immortals.

Immortals is aimed squarely at the macho crowd, with the emphasis on heroics and bone-crunching violence in 3-D, with a splash of sexy time to lighten the mood and detract from the flaccid script.

— Linda Barnard, Toronto Star

Tarsem Singh may well be an artistic visionary. Unfortunately, his sense of storytelling here is vision-impaired.

— Neil Smith, Total Film

Immortals is another slice of ancient 3-D history whose overriding tone — speaking of Greco-Roman — blends World Wrestling Entertainment with the largest float in the gay pride parade.

— Jay Stone, Postmedia News

Spectacle and spectacular are often confused for one another in stories of epic adventure, but Immortals is the rare film where they are one and the same.

— Todd Gilchrist, Boxoffice magazine

The last time something this big and bloated moved this slowly was during the Ice Age.

— Rick Bentley, McClatchy Newspapers

— Compiled by Shane Minkin

Movie reviews

Immortals

Starring Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke and Freida Pinto

Grant Park, Kildonan Place, Polo Park, St. Vital, Towne

18A

110 minutes

Three stars out of five