Is it important to sit like a lady? In a word, yes

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This article was published 07/03/2017 (3471 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

For comedy writers, the current White House staff is a gift that keeps on giving.

This weekend, Kellyanne Conway’s #Couchgate was mined for a sight gag on Saturday Night Live, with random cutaways of cast member Kate McKinnon as Conway sitting like a toddler and texting away — on the desk of Weekend Update, or on the musical guest’s stage — completely oblivious to her surroundings. Exactly like the real Kellyanne Conway in the Oval Office last week.

By now, we’ve all seen the viral photo of Conway on the couch, burgandy dress hitched up, sitting with her knees apart and legs tucked underneath her, stilettos digging into the fabric, while surrounded by education leaders from historically black post-secondary institutions.

You know, the way we were all taught to sit for company. 

The photo ignited debates about decorum and etiquette, and inspired many, many hot takes — what do Kellyanne’s exposed knees say about the downfall of society? Some were appalled by the blatant disrepect her too-comfortable pose showed those in such a hallowed room; others (including my Free Press colleague Doug Speirs) implored us to unclutch our pearls and leave poor Kellyanne alone. She was working, after all, trying to get a photo of the U.S. president. 

I’m going to go ahead and call bull on the “she was working” theory. First of all, let’s stop talking about Conway as though she is a Pulitzer Prize-winning photojournalist on the frontlines who had to get the shot at all costs. No, she’s a White House staffer taking a crappy, blown-out iPhone snap of a poorly composed photo-op for Twitter. She could have let the real photographers take care of that. Or she could have stood up, taken her bad photo without drawing a bunch of attention to herself, then remained standing, because that’s what respectful grownups do. 

Conway’s couch pose was unprofessional, full stop. But perhaps more to the point, it was also unladylike, which you’d think would be a deep embarrassment to a president who insists his female staff “dress like women.”

So, how does one sit like a lady? All of my etiquette tips come exclusively from articles about Kate Middleton, and she sits in what has been dubbed the Duchess Slant. In order to achieve this ladylike pose, one must keep one’s knees and ankles together, angle one’s legs to one side, and then slightly tuck the heels to the rear. Keep the heels on the ground and sit up straight. Legs may be crossed, but at the ankles — never at the knees, you trash can, unless you’re wearing a long skirt or pants. Ladies never even use the back of their seat, let alone dig their heels into it. No, ladies perch at the edge of their seats, because ladies are expected to be a little bit uncomfortable at all times. 

If you bristled at the above, it’s because there’s a pretty small gulf between “dress like a woman” and “sit like a lady.” But the issue with Conway is not about conforming to social mores.

It’s about being respectful. And respectful people do not put their feet on a couch. Most people know that, which is why the photo went viral. Everyone simultaneously thought of how their grandmothers would have reacted. It’s not sexist to call out Conway. What is sexist is the type of jokes a congressman and a senator made after the fact. (I’m paraphrasing but, “She’s on her knees! The ’90s! Get it?”)

Yes, I know, I know. former president Barack Obama put his feet up on the desk in the Oval Office. But he was the president.

Also, as Katy Waldman pointed out at Slate, “Obama also represents an instructive foil for Conway, if only because he showed such sensitivity to decorum throughout his tenure. In their public and private lives, the previous president and his family repelled disgrace like eucalyptus oil repels mosquitoes.” 

Meanwhile, the current president, his family and his inner circle attract disgrace like honey attracts ants.

How a staffer sits on a couch is a distraction from the real issues and shouldn’t matter. But decorum matters, and it should matter even more to an administration that already struggles to be taken seriously. 

jen.zoratti@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @JenZoratti