Help you past your holiday hangover, this column may…

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/05/2019 (2630 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Good morning, Padawan, and welcome to the first day after the May long weekend.

I can tell by the moony-faced manner in which you are reading today’s column that you are feeling just a touch down in the mouth, so to speak.

What seems to be the problem? Post-Victoria Day hangover? Feeling a little bummed out about being back at work after a fun-filled holiday weekend?

Well, suck it up, buttercup, because today is the unofficial first day of summer, a time when we look forward to long walks on the beach, chugging ice-cold brews at backyard barbecues, slathering our pasty bodies with sunscreen and swatting mosquitoes the size of Yorkshire terriers.

What? That’s not enough to turn your little frown upside down? Tell you what: Uncle Doug has a little bit of news hidden in his flowing white robes that will cause you to become filled with hope and joy.

What you need to know is that today, Tuesday, May 21, is (dramatic pause in which you can hear the theme from Star Wars playing softly in the background) International Talk Like Yoda Day!

Sorry, what I meant to say was… International Talk Like Yoda Day, today is! May the 21st be with you, yes?

It was 39 years ago today, on May 21, 1980, that The Empire Strikes Back was released, and the world was introduced to a pint-sized, white-robed, green-skinned Einstein-looking puppet with terrible grammar named Yoda.

International Talk Like Yoda Day celebrates the release of the film, the second instalment in the original Star Wars trilogy, the epic movie wherein Luke Skywalker meets the ancient Jedi master Yoda in the swamps of the planet Dagobah.

It is days like this that separate normal, hard-working folks from the nerds — geeky superfans, such as myself, who pride themselves on memorizing pretty much every line from the original films.

Normal person’s reaction: “Today is Talk Like Yoda Day? OK.”

Star Wars nerd’s reaction: “Contain my emotions, I cannot. Seen 2,000 times that (bad word) movie, I have!”

How are we supposed to celebrate this special day in the Star Wars universe? Duh! There is only one way to properly pay our respects: talk like the beloved Jedi master and complain not, you will!

For me, personally, I do not need a special day to celebrate Yoda. I talk like Yoda almost every day of the year, especially on those days when my brain’s inner voice begins babbling backwards because I have not been able to ingest enough caffeine via the technique of gulping eight cups of coffee as soon as I roll out of bed.

Also, whenever I sit down to write yet another entertaining and informative column, reminded I am of the green guru because balanced precariously on the very top of my computer is a tiny Yoda bobblehead that jiggles enthusiastically if I pound the keyboard with too much pressure.

But just think how much fun you will have today when you show up at the office and everything that comes out of your mouth is inspired by Yoda. Love it, your co-workers will. A big fat raise, your boss will give you. Hear it all now, I can:

Your boss: “Jenkins, what did you do with the Feebleman contract?”

You: “Incredibly sorry, I am. Ate it, my dog did, hmmm!”

Your boss: “You idiot! The very future of this company depended on that contract!”

You (in a croaky voice): “Difficult to see, always in motion is the future.”

Your boss (firing up his lightsaber): “FIRED, YOU ARE!”

I know what you are thinking (or, more appropriately, “What you are thinking, I know”).

You are thinking: “Gee, Doug, I love Yoda and everything, but I am not clever enough to talk like him without a great deal of helpful advice.”

Well, today is your lucky day, because here are a few Talk-Like-Yoda tips I culled from geeky sites on the internet to help you get your Yoda on and master the master’s quirky style of speaking:

● Put the subject and verb at the end of a sentence. “Subject and verb at the end of a sentence, you should put.”

● Go oddly negative. “It’s a small world, not, it is?”

● Tack on a hmmm for bonus points. “It’s a small world, not, it is, hmmm?”

● Add a yes at the end of a question. “Talk Like Yoda Day is a lot like Talk Like a Pirate Day… yes?”

So, basically, what you need to do is take whatever you were going to say at the start of every sentence and slap it onto the end instead.

Piece of cake, it is. Judge him by his syntax, you must not.

If that’s not enough, there are a lot of websites that offer simple 10-step guides to talking like Yoda. For example, wikihow.com’s guide chirps: “Learn when to use the impersonation… there are also many social situations when an impersonation can be seen as poorly timed or in bad taste.”

They didn’t provide an example, but I’m guessing you might want to hold off at a funeral. Not sure anyone would be impressed if you croaked: “So sorry for your recent loss, I am” before waddling away with a burlap sack wrapped around your shoulders.

Or visit the online Yoda-Speak Generator, punch in your hockey hopes for next year, click the button and rejoice as it spits out lines such as: “Confident the Winnipeg Jets will win the Stanley Cup next season, I am, young Skywalker, yes!”

To help you celebrate in style, here’s a fun fact I dug up while researching Yoda’s film history — he was almost portrayed by a mask-wearing monkey, as computer-generated imagery wasn’t a thing in 1980. Fortunately, a puppet created by Frank Oz (of Muppets fame) came waddling to the rescue.

So, I’m hoping everyone will talk like Yoda today. Whatever you do, make sure you are 100 per cent committed. In other words: “Do. Or do not. There is no try!”

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca