Domestic-duty distribution must suit you both

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I fear I’m going to end up with prolonged indigestion! My husband — a pretty boring cook — has decided it’s his turn to be the house parent again, and that I should go back to my profession, as he has come to hate his job.

I couldn’t be happier! He knows I love my work and I know he’s bored stiff by his accounting career. (He sometimes even has nightmares about numbers!)

The trouble is he’s a lousy housekeeper and cook. He’s patient and fun with our three kids, but I know that once he gets them off to school this fall, he’ll be on the couch watching TV until they get home.

I’m not looking forward to this. The place is always a wreck when he’s on home duty. Also, as soon as the kids come through the door, he makes them adult-sized sandwiches and store-bought snacks. So when I get home from work, they’re not hungry for a healthy dinner and my man certainly won’t be busy cooking up something nice for the two of us.

So, I’ll end up working a full day with a long commute and then be saddled with “mom work” until the kids’ bedtime? I don’t think so.

How can we manage our domestic duties to be fair to both of us?

— Need Help, St. Norbert

Dear Need Help: Your husband and kids might appreciate an easy two-page manual for the at-home ‘job.’ You should also add in a few recipes for healthy dinners you know both you and the kids like to eat. You can even go grocery shopping together with your hubby on weekends and encourage him to up his kitchen game.

As for bedroom and toy clean-up, some parents use a star or sticker system on a chart for the kids. The children can get credit for tasks they handle regularly (and do well) and cash them in for fun prizes or privileges when they accrue enough points.

The at-home parent’s other jobs? Dad is the laundry and transportation guy. On weekends, you can share the workload. Hopefully you can afford a babysitter to allow for a date night every few weeks.

This plan can work well, provided you’re both into it!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently went into a busy salon needing a haircut, badly. A familiar-looking woman with a quite unique first name displayed on a fancy tag came out from the back to cut my hair.

I thought to myself that no one else could have that distinctive first name. Then as she looked at me in the big mirror in front of us both, I realized I knew who she was! She was my teenage love — and our relationship had ended very badly.

My mind instantly went back to our break-up night. We were fooling around at a drive-in movie. I was going on 17, had my dad’s big car and we were in the back seat. I was all revved up, but then suddenly I pictured her pregnant and panicked.

She then just asked me to take her home and it was dead quiet on the ride. I knew we were done. She rarely spoke to me again at school. It was painful.

Looking at me in the salon mirror, she asked if I knew who she was. I said, “Of course! How could I forget?”

Then we had a nice talk while she cut my hair. She certainly succeeded in realizing her dream of owning a thriving salon business.

I feel like it was fate that day, because if one of her staff hadn’t called in sick that day, she’d have been back in the office and not out in the shop cutting hair — although she did that for years. She’s no longer with her husband, and I just became single myself. Should I take a chance and call her to ask her out?

— So Tempted, Tuxedo

Dear Tempted: You likely won’t need a haircut for another couple of months, and that’s too long to wait. So yes, you definitely should phone her soon at the salon to ask her out. You’ll only regret it if you don’t take a chance.

So be ready with a couple ideas for a fun outing or for dinner with her. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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