Sex therapist has advice for millennials

Prioritize relationships over busy schedule, Dr Ruth says

Advertisement

Advertise with us

WASHINGTON — Before a recent Washington screening of Ask Dr. Ruth, a new Hulu documentary about the legendary sex therapist, the projectionist pops his head out of the booth to say: “I used to watch Dr. Ruth all the time in the 1980s, back when things made sense!”

Read this article for free:

or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/05/2019 (2646 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

WASHINGTON — Before a recent Washington screening of Ask Dr. Ruth, a new Hulu documentary about the legendary sex therapist, the projectionist pops his head out of the booth to say: “I used to watch Dr. Ruth all the time in the 1980s, back when things made sense!”

He’s right. It is hard to make sense of relationships today. Singles swipe through prospects’ dating profiles in mere seconds and frequently discard one another without explanation. Young people are abstaining from sex and eschewing relationships more than ever before.

Throughout all this change, sex therapist Ruth Westheimer is a constant. She’s no longer on the air, but she’s still doling out frank sex advice at age 90 and is wondering aloud whether Amazon’s Alexa can find her a boyfriend in the opening moments of Ask Dr. Ruth.

Willy Sanjuan /Invision Files
Legendary sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer says it’s ‘nonsense’ that people are too busy to cultivate a relationship.
Willy Sanjuan /Invision Files Legendary sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer says it’s ‘nonsense’ that people are too busy to cultivate a relationship.

The documentary also reveals a lot about how Ruth K. Westheimer became Dr. Ruth. Before she became a sex therapist with a must-listen radio show and numerous talk shows in the 1980s and 1990s, Westheimer was a young girl in Frankfurt, Germany, when the Nazis came to power. Her parents sent her to a Swiss orphanage at age 10, an act that saved her life. Though Westheimer doesn’t like to talk about herself much, she considers the documentary “a grave” for her parents, who died in the Holocaust.

“I think it’s very ironic for someone who’s the most famous relationship therapist in the world that she doesn’t love to talk about herself or her emotions so much,” says Ryan White, the film’s director.

Westheimer kept detailed diaries from age 10 until about 25, which White leaned on in making the documentary.

Westheimer also doesn’t like to talk about sex, unless it’s in a professional setting. So we created such a setup and asked her a few dating questions on the minds of millennials, including why it’s so hard to find and hold onto a relationship.

The following is a transcript of our conversation, edited for length and clarity.

Q: In the documentary, there’s this sweet moment between you and your teenage boyfriend. Can exes be friends? How many decades have to pass for that to happen?

A: I certainly am still friends, because he was very important — not just for holding hands and kissing. In those days, girls were not able to go to high school. I was fortunate and grateful that I looked at his books when he came home, and now look what’s happened… Now I have 35 books of my own.

Q: Do you have tips for daters as far as when a relationship has potential and when it’s time to walk away?

A: It’s time to walk away if someone has a relationship with a married man, and it’s time to walk away when you are being bored, and it’s time to walk away when somebody gets cheated on. Otherwise, other relationship questions very often can be helped by going to a therapist.

And for the millennials, I have to say: don’t always wait until you think that something better comes along. Make sure that you cultivate the relationship and that you are walking around with your head high, saying, “How pleased I am to be in a relationship.”

Q: Once you do find that relationship that lasts, how do you keep things new and exciting over decades?

A: You make sure that you keep time and effort and energy for sex. Now people with children, I advise, once in a while you go to a motel — you don’t have to stay the whole night. You take a babysitter.

You check into a motel. You take some champagne. You take some bubble bath. And you are leaving all of your worries — all of your dislike of the mother-in-law, anything in your life — you leave outside. You make a package. You leave it outside the door. And you have a good sexual relationship.

Q: That’s good advice. If you’re single, a lot of millennials have trouble finding time away from work in their busy schedules to prioritize relationships.

A: That’s nonsense. Because in the olden days, people worked in factories for many more hours than people work today with all of the regulations of unions.

So this idea that they work more today than at other times — I can’t agree with that at all. If you have a prospect of a relationship, make sure that you cultivate that. And make sure that you take time.

— Washington Post

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Pimicikamak FN locked down, police hunt for suspect after fatal shooting

By Zoe Pierce 3 minute read Preview

Pimicikamak FN locked down, police hunt for suspect after fatal shooting

By Zoe Pierce 3 minute read 12:26 PM CDT

Pimicikamak Cree First Nation, also known as Cross Lake, is under lockdown as RCMP Major Crime Services investigate a shooting that left one person dead, Chief David Monias said.

In a social media post early Saturday morning, Monias said there had been a “serious incident” involving gunfire in the community and that one person had been confirmed dead. He announced an immediate community lockdown and said all Treaty and Indian Days events, activities and gatherings were cancelled until further notice.

Monias said the lockdown, which remains ongoing, is intended to help police conduct their investigation and allow safety officials to monitor movement within the community. In a video update posted at 10:30 a.m. Saturday, he confirmed that the shooter is still on the loose.

“We don’t want people unnecessarily moving around in the community that will distract the police or safety officers from their job,” Monias told the Free Press. “The reason why we’re doing that is to make sure that we give police an opportunity to be able to check things out and check suspicious people out.”

Read
12:26 PM CDT

Rollins becomes fifth councillor to bow out of fall election

Malak Abas 5 minute read Preview

Rollins becomes fifth councillor to bow out of fall election

Malak Abas 5 minute read Updated: Yesterday at 5:24 PM CDT

Sherri Rollins says she’s withdrawing her bid to keep her city hall seat after eight years, citing her concerns about the “gradual erosion of the role played by council” and the struggle to work co-operatively with the mayor’s office.

Read
Updated: Yesterday at 5:24 PM CDT

Wild weather uproots trees across city, leaves thousands in Manitoba without power

Chris Kitching 8 minute read Preview

Wild weather uproots trees across city, leaves thousands in Manitoba without power

Chris Kitching 8 minute read Thursday, Jul. 30, 2026

This summer’s latest barrage of severe thunderstorms caused widespread property damage and power outages for more than 30,000 Manitoba Hydro customers, mostly in Winnipeg, as winds of up to 133 km/h wreaked havoc.

Charleswood resident Ian Glover’s house had minor damage compared with a neighbour’s home, where a large, uprooted poplar tree crashed through the roof while the storm pummelled Winnipeg late Wednesday night and early Thursday.

“I opened the window after I woke up (around 6 a.m.) and the tree — oh my God,” Glover said. “I got my wife up and she couldn’t believe it. I was totally blown away. (Our neighbour) said the branch went right through the house into their living room.”

Glover was thankful his neighbours were not injured. Some of the tree’s outer branches clipped the corner of his home.

Read
Thursday, Jul. 30, 2026

Nemat’s novel chronicles grandmother’s harrowing life in Russia and Iran

Reviewed by Gordon Arnold 4 minute read Preview

Nemat’s novel chronicles grandmother’s harrowing life in Russia and Iran

Reviewed by Gordon Arnold 4 minute read 2:05 AM CDT

Mistress of the Persian Boarding House is the most enjoyable book I have read in the more than 15 years since I began reviewing books for the Free Press.

Author Marina Nemat’s prose, inspired by her paternal grandmother’s life, flows smoothly, like a babbling brook down a mountain.

Nemat is an Iranian-born Canadian writer and human rights activist known for her bestselling memoirs Prisoner of Tehran and After Tehran: A Life Reclaimed. Arrested at 16 for opposing Iran’s post-revolution regime, she endured torture and forced marriage in Evin Prison before emigrating to Canada in 1991.

Nemat’s grandmothers were both Russian, and she was brought up in a Russian Orthodox Christian family in Tehran. With their Iranian husbands, whom they had married before the Russian Revolution of 1917, both grandmothers fled from Russia to Iran as part of a massive wave of migration.

Read
2:05 AM CDT

As wildfire season rages, new book explores the frontlines of battling Canadian blazes

Reviewed by GC Cabana-Coldwell 4 minute read Preview

As wildfire season rages, new book explores the frontlines of battling Canadian blazes

Reviewed by GC Cabana-Coldwell 4 minute read 2:02 AM CDT

Mother Nature’s talking but we haven’t been listening, according to Jesse Winter, author of Wild Fire: Dispatches from a Country Ablaze, a book, released earlier this summer detailing Canada’s wildfire woes.

Currently, almost 1,000 wildfires across Northwestern Ontario, British Columbia, the Prairies, Northwest Territories and eastern provinces are burning in Canada. Forest fires also continue to wreak havoc in France, Spain and other European countries, and in the U.S. states of Oregon, California, Florida and Texas. While 2023 still rates as the world’s worst wildfire season, 2026 is hot on its heels.

Winter, a Vancouver-based, award-winning climate disaster photojournalist, spent more than two years on Wild Fire, his first book. In-depth research included working with firefighting crews and environmentalists as well as talking to researchers, politicians and evacuees. He says we need to rethink our views on wildfires or be prepared to watch more land go up in flames.

Canada, Winter writes, is “a country almost perfectly designed to burn.” At least 70 per cent of boreal forests, which cover one-third of the country, are stuffed with highly flammable spruce, fir, pine and tamarack trees as well as aspen, poplar and birch. With a wealth of available fuel, it’s no surprise, he writes, that an area twice the size of Vancouver Island burns every summer in Canada.

Read
2:02 AM CDT

Chinese newcomers protest over delays in security screening clearance

Tyler Searle 4 minute read Preview

Chinese newcomers protest over delays in security screening clearance

Tyler Searle 4 minute read Yesterday at 4:00 PM CDT

Dozens of Chinese newcomers rallied outside Winnipeg’s federal immigration office Friday to protest what they describe as untenable delays to Canada’s security screening process.

The rally against Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada comes after a surge in immigration security screening requests created backlogs for the Canadian Security Intelligence Service.

Protesters said the resulting delays have left them in limbo as they try to obtain permanent residency.

“We just want transparency,” said Pakying Chau, 26, who travelled from Hong Kong to Winnipeg in 2018 to study agribusiness.

Read
Yesterday at 4:00 PM CDT