Social media judges Chase’s parents with appalling rudeness

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/03/2016 (3780 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

NORTH NORFOLK — Standing on the banks of Pine Creek on Easter Sunday at the vigil for two-year-old Chase Martens, I thought of my own child, and I felt his parents’ pain.

The pain was visible in the way Destiny Turner and Thomas Martens held each other and bravely attended the vigil for their son in what must have been the worst time of their lives.

Chase’s body was found on Saturday afternoon in the creek, about half a kilometre from their home in North Norfolk near Austin.  Hundreds of searchers had scoured the area for five days, hoping beyond hope the little boy would be found alive.

Winnipeg’s Bear Clan Patrol, whose members helped from the start to search the rural property over an hour from Winnipeg, had asked Chase’s parents’ permission to hold the vigil and let the media attend.

With the grief Chase’s parents are going through, and the way they are being judged by strangers, I was in awe of their courage. Since Chase went missing on Tuesday evening, social media has been rife with judgments and criticisms of Chase’s parents.

I’m appalled and sickened.

I started reporting comments as abusive but there were so many – how disgusting is that? – I had to stop.

What soulless person can criticize or judge two parents who have lost a child? This could only be people who have lost any semblance of what it means to be a human being.

I’ve often been taken aback by the abject cruelty of people but this, this is deeply horrifying.

Those of you who think you are the perfect parent are either delusional or you are liars.

You would act as if your child never fell off a swing in your yard while you were standing right there? You’d say your child never climbed out of a crib and hit the floor before you had a chance to get a toddler bed? You’d pretend your child never hid in a clothing rack at a store and you couldn’t see him for a second? Moments like these, or worse, have happened to every parent. Thank God, disaster was averted.  But it isn’t always.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

If these accusers stopped looking down their noses for a second or dug into their ice-cold hearts for even a sliver of empathy, they would see that what happened to this family could happen to any of us.

It could have happened to my family. I still have nightmares about it. Even now, I am ashamed to tell you this story.

My oldest child is 21 now but when she was three years old, we were at a picnic at Kildonan Park with our play-centre group. We had activities set up around our picnic shelter and we were at a bubble station. She was blowing bubbles, quickly dipping her bubble wand in the pail and blowing huge, billowy bubbles. The coffee station was maybe four steps away.

“You blow bubbles and Mommy will get a coffee and come right back, okay honey?” I remember saying. I walked those four steps, got my coffee, and came right back.  She was gone.

I felt as if my heart had stopped. It was as if I had gone blind. I couldn’t see her, I couldn’t see anything. I remember screaming for her and running, wildly looking side to side, shouting at people to help me find her. She was gone. A second? A minute? No, it was a lifetime. Then suddenly, I saw her curly blonde head straight in front of me. I was crying so hard, I was nearly inconsolable, but as I scooped up my child and held her cheek to mine, I knew I had been given a great gift. Another chance.

Was a cup of coffee more important than my precious little girl? Never. So, why did I do that? I’ll never know. I let my guard down at a picnic surrounded by our friends. The moment I turned my back, she raced away in the opposite direction. How far could those little legs take her in such a short time? Freaking far, let me tell you.

At Chase’s vigil, I wanted to speak to Destiny Turner, as a mother. I wanted to tell her this: It’s not your fault. A terrible thing happened. You cared for your child, you loved your child. You did the best that you could. As parents, we do the best that we can. That’s all we have.

Everyone else, look in the mirror. Forgive yourself if you let your guard down for a second and hold your child closer.

And, any of you who think you have the right to judge, shame on you.

ashley.prest@freepress.mb.ca