Rage-first approach is sadly a sign of our times

I’m as guilty of it as everyone else. But I’m trying to change.

On the weekend, my glasses started to break. They actually did break, but were still hanging together. (I’ve worn glasses since fourth grade. I knew what was coming.) One of the earpieces was coming away from the frames, and the glasses were only a little bit more than a year old. I’ve got a really strong prescription, and getting the lenses thin enough to fit in normal frames takes a special product. So, very pricey.

But I wasn’t just apprehensive about the prospective cost. I was angry.

All the way to the store where I’d purchased them, I revved myself up. What I was going to say if they told me my frames weren’t made anymore and my lenses wouldn’t fit other frames? How angry would I have to get?

Instead, they took my glasses to the back of the shop, repaired them, brought them back and sent me on my way. No charge.

I might have gone to the store thinking, “These glasses are nearly new. I’m sure they’ll do something to fix the problem.” But instead, my immediate reaction was to prepare for a fight.

And I felt a little foolish, because I’d spent so much time on the way over deliberately making sure I was going to be angry enough to get what I felt was fair.

We’re perpetually spoiling for a fight because, so often, we actually do have to put up a fight.

We’re all like that now, more than we’re likely to be willing to admit. We’re perpetually spoiling for a fight because, so often, we actually do have to put up a fight.

How did we get here? Well, social media certainly helped.

But we’re also conditioned into it. It’s like dealing with an airline when your flight gets cancelled: often, the first response from the airline is “There’s nothing we can do,” followed by the customer service rep looking over your shoulder for the next in line.

The corporate default seems to be deny responsibility first, and don’t offer anything unless the customer is willing to ramp things up. (Presumably, a certain number of customers shrug their shoulders and walk away.)

More and more, the customer is more than ready to ramp things up.

But why is that such a great business plan for anyone? And why can’t we just find a way to treat people the way we’d like to be treated?

Because we don’t.

Instead, people who never deal with the public decide how their front-facing staff will handle complaints — usually without the fear of ever having to face that same public themselves.

Ever hear someone light into front-counter staff at a fast-food restaurant? Chances are, you probably have. There are people who seem to take great satisfaction in starting just that kind of conflict. And why? Does attacking someone making minimum wage improve your day? Make you a better person? Solve even one problem in your life?

Of course not.

It’s a recipe for hostility.

Does attacking someone making minimum wage improve your day? Make you a better person? Solve even one problem in your life?

And speaking of hostility, back to social media for a moment: when the whole business started, the idea was that we could all engage in some broad-ranging, idea-generating conversation with people we didn’t know (and might not ever meet), who could share ideas and information we weren’t aware of, making for a kind of generalized enlightenment.

No one considered the notion that dealing with someone you didn’t know would give you licence to belittle, insult and just plain deliver hate from behind a handy curtain of anonymity.

And it’s spread. Is it possible to write a letter to the editor without calling someone who wrote a different letter an idiot? Of course it is — yet every week, we get letters that people want us to print, saying someone they’ve never even met is stupid.

Or this: a man who has produced a crossword for years decides for himself to take it out of production. But you miss doing his puzzles.

Why not contact the newspaper and ask what happened? Instead, you write to say how angry you are that the crossword writer has been fired so the paper could make more profit. Why on Earth would that be your starting point?

Because the default is always rage and conspiracy now, not courtesy.

Common courtesy has become uncommon. An honest mistake is not viewed as an accident — it’s taken as proof of malice.

I don’t like it. I don’t see the benefit for any of us to be steeped in bile, day in and day out.

Let’s do what we can to make common courtesy common again.

Not too many months ago, the Winnipeg Transit bus I was on stopped on Logan to let a passenger off, and then stayed stopped.

The bus driver’s Plexiglas shield clicked open, and the driver walked down the aisle to the back of the bus. It was out of the ordinary, and out of the ordinary on an early-morning downtown bus can mean a lot of things, not all good.

But the bus driver was looking for the other passenger who usually got off at Logan. That passenger was at the back of the bus in a seat against the window. Sound asleep.

“Excuse me,” I heard the driver say, waking the sleeping passenger. “I think we’re at your stop.”

We were — and the grateful passenger called out his thanks as he headed for the door.

The driver didn’t have to do it — he did it anyway.

I want to be more like that bus driver. I want everyone to be like that bus driver — alert to other’s needs, aware of their surroundings more than of their phone, and willing to put themselves out even just a little bit to help.

Let’s do what we can to make common courtesy common again.

It’s worth saving.