Sex work causing stress in relationship

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This article was published 20/05/2016 (3470 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a guy who sees women for sex and makes a very good living. I was also in that business for a number of years, working independently, and that’s how I met him — at a gig where the client called a man and a woman.

The rest of the time we were both bartenders in the city. He’s good-looking, and I guess you’d say I am, too. To our shock, we fell in love! I had to give up working the sex gig, even part time, because I felt too much love and too loyal to my man to have sex with anyone else, even for big money. I’m painting art full time now, and he’s supporting me. I’m not really jealous about the sex. Well, maybe a little. The women he sees are regulars and in their 40s and 50s. We are both in our late 20s.

He says, “We’re old friends and that’s it, so why stop? You and I need the extra money. How else could we make enough to buy a house in the country, like we want?” That makes sense to me, still it bothers me at times like this, when I know he’s seeing one of his afternoon regulars and I’m at home making dinner. Please tell me what to do.

— Jealous of Nothing? Winnipeg

Dear Jealous of Nothing?: You’re jealous, as anyone in love would be, and jealousy feels terrible. It curls in your belly like a snake and eats away at the lining. Although you understand things in your head, your feelings are a different matter.

Could you start working a straight full-time job (not as a call girl) so your guy doesn’t have to support you and put away money for the dream house? If you find he still wants to see his regular clients, you have a decision to make. You can’t live successfully together when you feel horrible every time your guy sees a client. Besides, the balance of the power of the relationship is off now. He has most of it.

Maybe he’s not as invested in this relationship thing than you are, or he just doesn’t understand what it’s doing to you when he goes out to visit his stable of paying cougars. Here’s what you need to ask him: does he really want to stop? If he doesn’t, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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