Hatred of porn could be clouding judgment

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This article was published 21/05/2016 (3469 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has a porn addiction and I thought he had beaten it. I came home two days early from Vancouver where I had been visiting my stupid family because I’d had enough of them. I walked in the house and he was the only one home. I heard the tell-tale noises blaring and knew he was at it again. When I yelled out his name, he snapped off the porn and tried to pretend it was a sports game and people were cheering. I repeated back the rude phrases I heard. That was no hockey game. 

Last year, I tried watching female porn with hot men to see if it made him jealous, and it just turned him on more. He loves any kind of porn. Some women are OK with this, but I’m not. I knew nothing about this until a few months after the wedding three years ago, and he thought he could “relax,” as he put it. What should I do? I have lost so much respect for him I don’t know if I love him anymore. I feel disgusted, and the busty women onscreen make me feel so flat, inexperienced and insecure.

— Married to Porn Addict, Winnipeg

Dear Married To Porn Addict: Did you think he had beaten his addiction because he said so? A real porn addict will lie and hide rather than stop or trot off to treatment because his wife says so. Without any intervention and treatment, he might just take his activities underground and time his porn watching to when you’re out of the house.

Or, is it not a real addiction? Do you call him an “an addict” because you can’t stand porn? Is he “at it” all the time, or is it something he at a bit a couple of times a week? That’s fairly common these days. Have a talk with him, and try to be less emotional, so he can be more honest.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel I may finally have to estrange myself from a sibling because of their toxic spouse. This in-law has had a devastating effect on my family and has been ongoing for decades. Some of the damage cannot be undone. I live in a small town, so can’t avoid my in-law and I am sure I will be outcast from the family.

I have been a witness to this in-law’s horrible behaviour to my sibling and their children more than the rest of the family. I am sure my in-law could care less if I am in the picture or not. If I do not want to be around the in-law anymore, do I have to cut out my sibling? And how can I handle family functions if the in-law is there? I guess I won’t attend unless it is a funeral. Please advise.

— Toxic In-Law Problem, Rural Manitoba

Dear Toxic In-Law Problem: If you still want to see your sibling or nephews and nieces, don’t let the toxic in-law win. He or she can be tricked. Ask your sibling for help with something the toxic one wouldn’t like doing, such as some yard work or moving something, and turn it into a casual social visit with food and drinks, but not a family meal where there are expectations of bringing a mate, jerk or not.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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