Breast reduction shocked him into silence

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This article was published 27/05/2016 (3766 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I used to know a girl in high school with beautiful big breasts. I lived for the few minutes each day I would see her coming. She always used to say my name and then, “What are you looking at?” All us guys were jealous of her boyfriend. They went out all through grades 11 and 12, and eventually got married. They own a farm. I moved away and came back to Manitoba a few years ago. I hadn’t seen her since graduation night, when she and “the girls” looked magnificent in her gown. It was a pastel blue colour and the dress was strapless, but somehow held them up, like an offering to the world. I’ll never forget them.

I met her at a shopping mall a few weeks ago, and all I could do was stare. Her big beautiful breasts, were gone. Those amazing mountains were reduced to normal size. I wondered if she had been through a fight with cancer. She caught me staring, and said my name, and then, “What are you looking at? I had a boob job.” I blushed three shades of red. I felt like saying, “I used to love them,” but I said, “Sorry for staring,” and made stupid chit-chat instead. What should I have said?

— Shy Man, St. Vital

Dear Shy Man: If you weren’t still shy, you might have said, “I always admired your beauty and still do,” and that would have gotten you out of it, smoothly. But you didn’t, and that’s OK. She’s happy. Her breasts are no longer so heavy her bra straps cut red ridges into her shoulders, and she can wear many more clothing styles. She feels free — and she enjoyed catching you and shocking you, just like the old days.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
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