Send beau flowers, tell him where to shove them

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/11/2017 (2868 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My romantic boyfriend sent the wrong card to me with a bouquet of flowers and the words, “For beautiful (her name, not mine),” and the message, “Flowers for no reason, just that I adore you and want to make love with you some night soon. Loved our first date on Thursday. Our first time will be awesome!” (Signed with his name.)

He and I have been together for a year and two months. That was not my name on the card and I work every Thursday. I want to string him up by the feet! I’m refusing all his calls. He claims he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. Please send me an answer ASAP.

— Furious and Done! Winnipeg

Dear Furious and Done: Send the flowers back to him with the note taped on them. The flowers will be dry and dead then, like your romance. You may also need the satisfaction of telling him off, as this is just a symbolic way of breaking up with him, rather than a real conversation where you get to vent.

Or you could to do both those things and also tell his new girlfriend, if you know who she is, that he’s been two-timing you with her while you’re working. She may know and not care, or she may not know and be disgusted.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a fine man three weeks ago who is kind, loving, a father of two and generous to a fault with his ex-wife, who has custody of their sons. He takes them for two visits per week, both overnights. I sensed he was shy, so I asked him out, and he was happy to say yes to dinner. We had a great night.

I asked him over for a drink by the fire, and he said he couldn’t, but didn’t explain. We had two more wonderful dates, but always the same thing. Finally, I asked him if he didn’t find me attractive. He said he did find me very attractive, but finds men even more attractive sexually.

He said that’s why he didn’t ask me out. He said he will always be bisexual, with a stronger pull towards men. I just started crying and said there was no way I could change that. He smiled sadly and said I couldn’t. His wife tried, and they actually had two children and were good parents together, but he couldn’t deny the other, stronger side of his sexuality for a whole lifetime.

I screwed up my courage and asked him if he had a special man in his life and he said he did, but he is also married. The other man’s wife knows, but doesn’t care for some reason. I don’t know what I can do. I really like this man and he likes me. What do you suggest?

— Not Ready To Give Up, The Maples

Dear Not Ready To Give Up: This is not an argument you can win, or a sickness you can cure. You can’t fight this man’s innate sexuality. His strongest desire is toward his male partners, and now a certain man.

This is where you bow out or stay and drive yourself crazy with insecurity over his natural desire for men. He has been honest with you and this is where it ends. Stubbornness on your part would not be admirable.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is coming home from university in another province for Christmas. I have bad news for her when she gets here: I am involved with another girl. I don’t know when to tell her. Should I tell her when she first arrives or get through Christmas with both girls, then make the old girlfriend miserable by dumping her on Boxing Day? Meanwhile, the new girl will have been crying her eyes out. What do you suggest? I’m a jerk either way.

— Jerky Turkey, Winnipeg

Dear Jerky Turkey: Unless she has some serious end-of-term exams and projects she needs to keep her thoughts clear for, call your girlfriend tonight and tell her the truth. Give her a few weeks to mourn and wrap her head around this before she comes home. This way her family or best friends can pick her up at the airport and comfort her, and you can stay the heck out of the way with your cosy new girlfriend. That’s the decent thing to do.

Your old girlfriend may want to see you one time for a dramatic goodbye scene. Tell her the phone is good enough to say what she wants to say. You deserve a verbal blast, so let her tell you off big time, and get off the phone. Face-to-face dramas can easily turn really nasty, even violent.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6