Delaying engagement could backfire

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This article was published 05/12/2017 (3140 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m thinking of giving my girlfriend an engagement ring for Christmas. We’ve talked about marriage and looked at rings and she’s probably expecting it.

That means it won’t be a surprise, and I love surprises. I was thinking maybe I should give it to her on New Year’s Eve instead, when it would really be a surprise. What do you think? — Man in Love, River Heights

Dear Man in Love: Big mistake! She’s expecting a diamond ring on Christmas morning, and she could be very sad and disappointed if there is no ring. She might even cry. If you want to surprise her, give the ring to her early, not late, on Christmas Eve, but don’t risk hurting her when she’s all built up for it.

You are the one who likes surprises and no matter what happens, there’s no chance you’re going to be surprised, so just think of her feelings. When will she be most excited? When she’s really hoping for it. She may be going to bed Christmas Eve hoping for the the ring and happy announcement of your engagement in the morning.

Don’t disappoint her by giving her something less at Christmas. I know this from sad experience. Long ago, when fur coats were “the thing,” my dad had my mother try on some coats in Winnipeg just before Christmas and she was delighted. She was very excited when she woke up Christmas morning, until she saw the box from my dad, which was suspiciously small.

Inside the wrapping paper she found a shoe box and a pair of fur-lined slippers with a mouse trap in one slipper and a note that said: “Trap your own! Love, Bill.” She sat there quietly with tears running down her cheeks, then raced to the bedroom with my dad chasing her, holding the box out telling her to look in the toe of the slipper. Inside was a cheque, large enough for any coat of her choice.

It was a surprise, alright, but not worth seeing our mom crying on Christmas morning. It would have been far nicer if my Dad — a bit of a joker — had secretly bought and wrapped up the coat at the store she liked best.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We are going to have a party for the neighbours in the middle of the month with an outdoor barbecue component. Some former neighbours are coming back at the invitations of others. It’s all happening in our backyard and house.

My wife really misses the wife of the one neighbour I ever fought with, and they live halfway across the city now. My wife and I are now fighting over whether to invite them or not. What do you think? — The Barbecue Host, South End

Dear Barbecue Host: Your wife should pick a different time to reunite with the wife she misses. There’s nothing stopping her from having lunch with the lady and avoiding the awkwardness.

Yes, having them over could work if you felt like making up with the husband, but I don’t get that sense from your letter. If they come over and there’s a few drinks involved, whatever you argued about could come up again. You need to be up and relaxed and a happy host for this neighbourhood soirée.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s no need for a snowblower with the amount of snow we have had so far this winter, but my neighbour will turn on his machine to clear a scattering of 16 snowflakes off a sidewalk. He’s the same with chainsaws and revving his motorcycle and his big truck.

I came home drunk from the bar the other day and had the nerve to say to him: “Could you and your engines keep it down over there. I’m sick of all the noise!” He asked why he should and I said because I was asking him to.

Then he said in a nasty voice: “Say pretty please, bitch!” I told him to %#@! off and went into the house.

Now my wife is telling me not to go outside or to the garage or he is going to slam my head into a wall, and it rattles me. What should I do? — Not Scared, North End

Dear Not Scared: Don’t say anything more. Just act like nothing happened. Bringing up the former altercation makes no sense, just like starting a fight with a bully makes no sense, especially when you had to be drunk to do it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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