Cheated on? Best revenge is a better you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/09/2018 (2943 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I caught my boyfriend in the act. I stole the extra key from his hall closet and let myself in because I suspected he was cheating. I was not terribly surprised when I caught him, but I was surprised at who it was — his ex-girlfriend! The same one he bad-mouthed so much for her bad temper and kinky sexual demands.

I let myself in the house at 4 a.m. and caught them. I opened the bedroom door a crack and could see them wrapped around each other, asleep. I picked up an ice bucket from outside the door, filled it with water and threw it on them. I hurled his key on the floor and ran for my car. He couldn’t come out fast enough because he was naked.

He has been threatening to get his lawyer friend after me and I just said, “Go ahead. I’d love to see this in court.”

So now he has her back, whether he wants her full time or not. I heard through the grapevine that she already thought they were back together. He’d told her he broke up with me a month ago and had been maintaining that lie while seeing us both.

What else can I do to hurt him? I hate that man! — Livid, Brandon

Dear Livid: The best revenge is to put yourself back together in the best mental, emotional and physical shape of your life and find a better man than him. Make sure he knows it through mutual friends.

Pay no attention to him and be happy you got away from that loser before you got married and had kids.

You should also see a psychologist and try to figure out why you were attracted to this guy in the first place. You will have to look at the bad and the good in him — and yourself —  so you don’t ever end up in the same situation again. Get yourself in great mental shape so you don’t choose the exact opposite of this guy, which wouldn’t be good either. 

If your workplace doesn’t have group insurance, save up some money or ask your parents for help and pay for some counselling sessions on your own.

As for hurting him — you’ve done enough. Let it go so this nasty business doesn’t stick to you.

Autumn can be a good time to travel. A trip to a fun place can distance your mind from a relationship gone wrong. And it’s a reminder that other great people your age exist and find you attractive. Flirt your face off, but don’t let it go too far. You can’t possibly know the person you’re bedding on short notice, and you can’t check out what they’re saying about themselves.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young teacher. I went into teaching feeling excited and proud that I was able to achieve my dream career and work in a beautiful classroom in a lovely neighbourhood. Since I’ve started, I felt myself slowly being overworked with deadlines, assessments, data entry, paperwork and lesson planning for individual students.

The administration is always keeping an eye out. Although the staff and resource team are helpful, I’d doubt everything I did last year to the point where I’d cry at home every night. Towards the end of the year, I had so many “new strategies” and reading materials given to me. I didn’t even know where to begin.

I finally had a chance over the break to get my life back. I was actually pleasant to be around and felt social again. September is quickly approaching. I’m not anxious over my students — I love them.

I’m terrified of turning into the emotional wreck I was throughout the school year because of the immense pressure. I feel myself preparing for my breakdowns more than I am for my units! Any advice? — Burnt Out Before Back to School, Manitoba

Dear Burnt Out: I have heard this complaint from other teachers who are being micromanaged and papered with teaching information to the point of exhaustion, in addition to their regular teaching responsibilities. 

As a one-time teacher, the best lesson I learned was from an older teacher who said, “You don’t have to do it all yourself.” I thought I did. For the many duties like making displays or charts or building models that don’t require your personal attention, try and find somebody who can help you.

Planning lessons for every individual student is a very heavy load. Think about getting help from a retired teacher. 

You should not be crying at home every night — no job is worth that and you could lose it completely. I would at least get someone to help with all the reading materials and make concise notes for you.

Also, ask your co-workers how they are managing all this extra reading and planning. You might be surprised at the ways they have found to shorten their work week. 

If you’re having problems in your personal life, write Miss Lonelyhearts at lovecoach@hotmail.com.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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