Trucker hubby can stay in his lane

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This article was published 18/08/2019 (2562 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a long-haul trucker, and I see him only a couple of times every two weeks. I really love him and miss him terribly, but I knew what I was getting into and feel like I can’t complain to my friends. Anyway, they always remind me he’s had this job all his adult life. Trust me, he is paid handsomely.

It’s a lonely life on the road. I do worry when people joke about the prostitutes at truck stops — the girls who knock on guys’ truck windows and say, “Would you like some company?”

I know it’s a very tempting thing to men, though my husband says not for him. But I recently made the mistake of asking him to consider getting an office job with his firm in town and he was very offended and said, “Why? Don’t you trust me? Do you want to come out on the road so you can watch over me?”

I guess I don’t trust him totally, do I? He’s only a man and men have needs.

— Feeling So Bad About It, Winnipeg

Dear Feeling: If a man has sexual needs and he’s in love, he can easily make it home to his wife or sweetheart without seeking a prostitute at a truck stop. He can call you. If you’re both into it, you could have phone sex in the private little cabin on the truck where he sleeps, or he can relieve the tension other ways on his own. If he wants to come home to you without cheating, he’s physically and emotionally able to do that. He’s not at the mercy of his sex drive and the offers of prostitutes at truck stops.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my younger sister, but I don’t want to talk to her anymore. She is the most negative person I’ve ever come across in my life. She’s not a bad person, but if we weren’t related, I wouldn’t be friends with her. Guilt and obligation make me answer her calls, but she makes Debbie Downer look like a life coach.

She’s been negative since her husband left, but that was years ago. I get that she has some minor health problems, too, but sometimes, I think it’s hypochondria, plain and simple. I’m at the point where I want to move away or cut her off, but she’s family. What do you think? Do I owe her my precious time? Is blood really…

— …Thicker Than Water? River Heights

Dear Thicker: You aren’t forced to be friends with or act as unpaid counsellor for people who happen to be family members. If they don’t treat you right, and are bringing you down, they need to be told they’re depressing you with their complaint calls, and you can’t afford to be depressed. Suggest as nicely as possible they see a mental-health professional. Tell them you can still talk together about things other than complaint topics.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Am I burned out? I have a boring job and I don’t hate it, but it’s a big snore most of the time. I’m grateful it provides me with an income to pay my mortgage, car and everything. I’m divorced with a grown daughter. But one day is just like the next and I don’t feel anything anymore about anything at all.

It’s not like I can just retire, but the thought of changing jobs gives me worry — though, oddly, I still feel no emotion. I’m like a zombie. I often cancel plans to go out and prefer to stay at home with Netflix and go to bed early. I’m more tired these days, but not out of shape. Yet, I don’t feel sad and depressed and that’s the kicker.

I’ve certainly lost my joy and enthusiasm for anything. I can’t remember the last time I laughed or really enjoyed something, and I never feel like crying either. I had a health checkup, and I’m OK in my body. But something is really wrong with me.

— Feeling Nothing, North Kildonan

Dear Feeling Nothing: There’s a condition called “anhedonia” people can have, often separate from depression. Some call it “flatlining.” It’s mostly an inability to feel pleasure or joy, and some people can’t feel grief either. In less serious cases, one can feel a dulled sense of pleasure or other emotions. Some people with flatlining problems report faking appropriate emotions or reactions just to seem OK to others. You should see a psychologist or psychiatrist, and get the help you need.

P.S.: Dumping your job is pretty chancy, so if you want to experiment with a change in work, for now take on an extra part-time job that’s an extension of something you have liked in the past.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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