Woman should ditch the dullard, find a fun-loving man

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This article was published 16/11/2019 (2491 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I live on the bottom of a shared rental house and the renters above are three goofy, young guys, always up to practical jokes — partying, throwing snowballs, making noise and roaring their vehicles up and down the lane.

I think they’re great fun, but my new man isn’t impressed. We spend a lot of romantic time at his place because he says, “Who can make love with a bunch of idiots partying above the bedroom?” Hey, I totally enjoy these hooligans, and now it’s a problem?

Last night, my new man said he’d like to “rescue” me from this madhouse and have me come live with him, and see if it leads to marriage. Why should I? Why can’t we just keep things the way they are? I’m not sure I’d like to be married to him anyway.

— Balking at the Suggestion, Wolseley

Dear Balking: Stay in your place and move on in your search for the right man! Look for a boyfriend who’s more like you. You’d be bored stiff living in your present guy’s idea of heaven — a quiet place with no crazy factor.

One should always marry up, if possible, and we’re not talking about money here. You need to marry a guy who brings more fun to your life and doesn’t shut your social world down. This guy would reduce your happiness quotient, big time.

Why are you being lazy when it comes to finding a boyfriend? You need to get out there and nail down a fun guy with a good work ethic, friends and activities and, very importantly, a great sense of humour — a guy who will add to your merriment in life. You are a firework, and you need another one to light up the sky with you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man sitting on the bus who looked vaguely familiar. He was dressed in business clothes and carried a briefcase. I was also dressed up for work. I asked him if I knew him from somewhere, and he looked at me in the face and said, grinning, “I think I knew you in school. I remembered your long red hair as soon as you sat down.”

It turns out we were in junior high together, and he had a crush on me then. We made some jokes about the teachers, laughed a lot and that was it. Next day, he wasn’t on the bus, and I felt oddly disappointed. But three days later, there he was! He sat right down with me.

No more small talk this time… we started talking all about our lives. He moved away after junior high school to another city. We’re both in the same business, but different companies, and we’re both single at the moment and in our late 20s.

I’d very much like him to ask me out, but if he’s too shy, I’d be quite happy to ask him. I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend right now, and I don’t have a boyfriend. So what’s my problem? I really don’t want to lose my interesting and hot-looking bus buddy, but if I don’t do something quickly and he meets another woman, then I lose him for sure. Please help.

— Excited By Him! On the Bus

Dear Excited: Here’s the dating rule: if you think there’s no physical danger involved, ask him out. Suggest a place for lunch since you work in the same vicinity, or a place for a drink after work. That could segue into dinner and give you more time. What is the point of not asking? Life is a game of chance. This could be the start of something big.

Or not! If it isn’t, then say outright you want to keep on riding the bus and being bus buddies with him. One date should not be a danger to that, even if there are no bubbles and it turns out kind of flat for one or both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband came home sloppy, nasty drunk, and pushed me into the bedroom hard, yelling and trying to force sex. I slapped his face hard, and he backed off and hit the bedroom closet door, cutting his face.

I ran past him to another bedroom and locked the door. I could hear him cursing and lumbering into the bathroom and then the bedroom, where he must have passed out.

The next day, I got up early and left — so as to miss him before he went to work. I phoned him at work, but they said he hadn’t come in. I was scared to go home alone, so took my best friend with me. My husband wasn’t there and neither were some of his clothes.

I found him staying with his best drinking-buddy friend and they were already half-cut. He said he still loves me, but isn’t coming back to live with “a violent woman.” Ha! He’s the violent one; I was just defending myself.

The weird thing is, I don’t care. He isn’t just a party drinker. He’s a real drunk. We’ve been married five years and don’t have any children because the sex is almost non-existent with him, due to what my mother used to call cooper’s droop. (Yes, my father was an alcoholic.) I don’t know what to do now.

— Wanting Out, Osborne Village

Dear Want Out: Your next move is to see a lawyer and accountant and look at a pathway to a fair and equitable split. There is no mention of love from you, even anguish over the fight. And it got violent on both sides. He was pushing, which is often the beginning of more abusive acts, and you slapped him so hard he cut his face on the closet door.

He says he still loves you — and he might — but love on one side doesn’t make for a good marriage. Plus, you have both put your hands on each other in a nasty, forceful way.

It’s time to call this marriage quits. If you don’t waste too much time, you may be able to find a good man, fall in love and have a child or two before it’s too late.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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