Low humour not the best medicine

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/11/2019 (2150 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so embarrassed, I may never leave my house again. I’d just started seeing this big, bearded guy I met online — exactly my kind of guy — about five or six years older, just back from a few years in the north.

We’d been getting along so well, we decided to get drunk together at my place after two weeks of teasing each other online here in the city and see what would happen.

Well, a big steak dinner and the rum loosened us both up and we started reminiscing about our high school days. He has a common last name, so I didn’t take much note when he mentioned the first name of his younger brother who’d be just about my age.

Before he left the next morning, he said in a teasing voice… “Didn’t my younger brother’s name ring a bell with you?” Then he said both names together, laughed and laughed, and walked out my door! Then I remembered, I did date a guy my age by that name, and he gave me a social condition — a whole zoo-full of critters!

This older brother’s laughter is still echoing in my head. Miss L., that jerk had heard the story and was definitely playing me, just so he could throw that embarrassing incident in my face and laugh! It’s a cinch he’s not getting the last word. What should I do?

— Boiling Mad, West Kildonan

Dear Boiling Mad: I consulted a practical joker I know well. It’s your move, he tells me, if you want to play. You know he’s dying to hear back from you. If you really want to respond, hit the toy section in a dollar store and send him a big black bug (any kind will do) with a note, insinuating he must be missing it from the family zoo!

BUT FIRST, do you really want things to continue with this joker? Imagine a lifetime of his low humour, and seeing his creepy younger sibling as a brother-in-law at family dinners. Consider punishing this joker with silence. He’s waiting for your next move. Let him wait forever.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Sweet women are hard to come by in this world. I want an old-fashioned sweetheart, like my mom is to my dad. We kids used to groan when they’d give each other a kiss on the lips in front of us, but we secretly liked the secure feeling. Our parents would not be breaking up! They didn’t, and they’re still happy. Where do I find a woman like this in this modern world?

I don’t think it’s appropriate to go fishing at church, which my mom suggested when I complained most girls I know are so tough and independent. (Not that my mom was weak or anything. She also had a career.) I just want a real honey, and I’m not embarrassed to admit it. Help!

— Looking For A Sweet Wife, Steinbach

Dear Looking: It’s likely there are some sweet, young women working for charities, volunteering at pet rescues, or working as nurses in maternity wings of hospitals. You might also find soft-hearted women teaching young students, who don’t require a tough exterior. If readers have any ideas for this fellow, please write in.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.