Wash your hands of cheating spouse

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This article was published 05/01/2020 (2426 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I kicked my husband out on Boxing Day. It turns out that was the second time he got dumped in two weeks.

I got a suspiciously large number of presents this Christmas. Some of them were clothes, in colours and sizes I’d never wear. Unfortunately for him — and this is how stupid he is — he left one sticker stuck to the bottom of a lingerie box with HER name on it, when he was busy re-gifting her gifts to me.

I know this woman. She has an oddball name and he had written sexy endearments on it. After hours of accusations, fighting and crying, I kicked him out of our apartment and threw his clothes over the front balcony in three garbage bags.

Then I Facebooked her — and she actually responded, saying, “Keep him. I don’t want him. He’s all yours.” It turns out he had this girlfriend up until mid-December when she dumped him because he wouldn’t break up his marriage to me. He’d been seeing her for most of the last year.

My problem now? I only threw him his clothes, and now he’s demanding his electronics from the spare bedroom, the “man cave.” I don’t want him under my roof, but he’s welcome to his computer crap. The big TV in the living room is mine, a present from my folks. Help!

— So Done With Him! St. Vital

Dear Done: Get two male friends to come over and supervise while he unhooks and carries his stuff out. You and one or both of your parents hang out in the kitchen, so he can’t get at you to argue and fight. You only have to make an appearance, if there’s a question over an item. BEFORE your ex comes over, make sure you move any things out of the “man cave” that are yours.

Don’t make the mistake of keeping in touch with his affair partner or trusting her with confidences. She is not your friend, though she may pretend to be, and may be laughing behind your back.

Don’t be surprised if she and your ex get back together. She may be mad right now, but remember, she didn’t fall in love with him because he was such an honest guy! Now he’s suddenly available with nowhere to live. That doesn’t mean YOU should fight for him. You did have a marriage, with serious vows made, and he broke them over and over again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met my real birth mother at Christmas and it was such a disappointment! She was nothing like my adoptive mother, who was at home and terrified I’d love my birth mother instantly, and want to be with her instead.

My birth mother was OK, I guess, but cold to me — a baby “born on the wrong side of the blanket” as some old people say. My birth mother’s husband (not my biological dad) wanted nothing to do with me — and barely said hello.

I was disappointed to get such a cold reception, but this woman took me away to the kitchen for coffee, and I was able to ask questions about other relatives. I was given a small family tree, in an unmarked envelope as I left. When I came home, I fell into my adoptive mom’s arms crying and said, “You’re my REAL mom and I know that now for sure! I love you so much.”

I was initially very excited about meeting with my birth mother — thinking I might end up with two great mothers — but now I’m OK with the way it turned out. I wrote you because I wanted other adopted kids to hear about my experience. What do you think?

— Happy Girl Now, North Winnipeg

Dear Happy: As an adopted child of any age, you really never know what your birth parent will be like until you meet face-to-face. Often, adopted children spend a lot of time daydreaming about their birth mother or father and rehearsing how a meeting would go — good or bad. You got the indifferent treatment and, in some ways, this is the least confusing outcome.

Now you know who your “real” emotional mom is — the one who is strongly bound to you with unbreakable ties of love, forever. Your birth mother is no longer a mystery, and you can go on with your adoptive family, in peace. That’s a very good thing. Have a great new year!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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