Sort out long-distance love logistics

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/01/2020 (2101 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My lover is a continent away working on a mega-million-dollar project, and I’m so lonely. He will not be back here in Manitoba with me for a long time yet. 

There is a man who wants to be my friend during this long time alone. I have tried the “just friends” things with him for two months now. But, I really need a man, if you know what I’m saying. 

In fact, my need for my lover’s passion is so strong I’m sorely tempted to grab onto this male buddy, and give him what he really wants, while pretending he is my real lover. But, that might break his heart — for me to use him in this way. He really cares for me. What do you think?

— Needing Physical Love Badly, Winnipeg

Dear Needing: You might want to find out what your lover is doing to address his physical needs when he’s away this long time. Perhaps he has a lady (or two) where he is working. Sex is what we’re talking about, isn’t it? Maybe you and your travelling man need an open relationship for the duration of this long spell apart.

As for the man who wants to be your friend, is he emotionally wrapped up in you, as in falling in love? Or is he just attracted in a friendly and also sensual way, to a woman who is obviously lonely? 

If your lover far away is already indulging in some physical enjoyment in his travels, it’d be a shame for you to be be back in Canada, remaining totally celibate. It’s time for some frank discussion with your overseas lover about what the arrangement is to be when you’re away from each other so long.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: While I was taking my dog for a walk in the dog park, I met a man with a very rude puppy, who lifted his leg and piddled on my pant leg. My expensive wool pant leg, I might add. 

His owner laughed far too loud and long before he apologized, and did not offer to pay for the dry-cleaning of my pants. Should I keep the bill in my purse and ask him for the money next time I see him with his dog?

— Diddled Over by Irresponsible Dog Owner

Dear Diddled: You’re partly right. The owner shouldn’t have laughed when his puppy lifted his leg and hit your pant leg. But, answer this: Has your puppy never “made a mistake?” Puppy owners need to be forgiving of each other until their little ones learn what’s proper and what isn’t. 

Should you chase the pup’s owner with a cleaning bill? Maybe not, but coldly avoid him and his furry young pal at the park, and he may notice the cold shoulder. He may even offer to pay for the cleaning bill. If he does, be sure to smile and accept graciously.  

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My New Year’s Eve blind date turned out to be a drunk. My friends at work set me up, and they swear they didn’t know she was a lush. They only knew her from working together.

She’d been drinking at home before I even picked her up — not drunk or anything — but on the verge. At the dinner and party she was fun but obviously getting hammered.

At the end, she was slurring her words and I had to let her hang onto my shoulder to get out to the parking lot. In the car she asked me for a New Year’s kiss, and I said, “I’ll wait until you’re sober.” She said, “Good lllluuuck!”

Get this! Apparently this woman wants to see me again, and really likes me. I said, “But she’s a drunk!” and my female work friend said, laughing: “Only when she’s nervous.”

To get rid of her, I had said to my drunk date, “We’ll see!” when I really meant “Never in this lifetime.” What should I say now?

— Too Shy, Told a Lie, Broadway 

Dear Shy: Now you have to tell the truth. To get this co-worker off your back about her boozy friend’s chances, do this: Approach her in a private spot in the office, and say, “Remember when I said I’d ‘see’ about calling your friend? The truth is I’m not phoning her in this lifetime. Sorry.” Then smile apologetically, and go back to work.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.