Time to cut communication and work on yourself

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/05/2020 (2262 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I keep getting Facebook messages and emails from my very recent ex, calling me names. Some names, like “cheater,” I deserve, because I went behind her back and saw other girls, but lately it’s just a bunch of swear words. I can’t get her to stop.

Should I have a talk with her roommate who has stayed a distant friend of mine and find out what’s wrong with her. Like, is she losing her mind? — Fed Up With Her Bad Mouth, Fort Rouge

Dear Fed Up: She was hurt, angry, and wanted to reconnect to let you have it! But enough is enough.

You were cruel and dishonest to her, so the first week or so of that cursing was your punishment. Now, block every avenue of communication! Your cellphone provider can tell you how to block her, as will Facebook and any other app you use.

Whatever you do, don’t call up her roommate. Stop being “distant friends” with her. Roommates have the inside track and are often like family for young women. You should not be talking to your ex’s intimate friends during this breakup time — it’s like spying.

As for you, think hard about how you treat women in relationships, and possibly get some counselling over this breakup. Your lack of respect and loyalty for the woman you cheated on — as well as possible hints of anger I detect — need attention before you start anything with someone else.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t want to be with my pre-COVID boyfriend anymore — at all. Now that things are loosening up, he’s champing at the bit to start seeing each other and “getting it on” in his poetic words. I’m in no hurry.

He told me my refusal to invite him to be in our family bubble was hard on him. He’s been frustrated for several months and hinted I owe him for what he was denied. He’s nuts if he thinks that! I don’t owe him anything.

I realize I don’t want to get sexual with him now, at all. In fact, he was such a pouter and a lousy friend when we couldn’t be together that I don’t even want to be friends. So what do I tell him? — Ready to Cross Him Off, River Heights

Dear Ready: Consider telling him exactly what you told me. It was honest and you don’t owe him a sensitive goodbye.

You don’t need to thank him for his friendship in recent months because it virtually disappeared when he wasn’t getting any action.

In fact, you don’t need any reasons to break off with a guy you’re dating. One statement often sums it up: “I’m just not feeling it anymore.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I knew my husband was old-fashioned when I met him and that’s a part of the reason I married him. I knew he would be true, responsible and earn good money to support a family.

All that turned out to be true. What I didn’t expect was that he would start acting like King of the Family. He started prefacing a lot of remarks to our pre-teen kids with, “As head of this household, I …”

Yesterday, I corrected him in front of the kids and told everyone he was a “co-partner.” He ordered me to meet him in the bedroom, and I could see he was really mad.

He asked me how I dared to put him down in front of the children and I said the same back! I told him I look after everything, almost all the time, with the kids, and then he comes home and acts like he’s the boss.

To my surprise. he said nothing. In fact, he has said almost nothing ever since, except, “Since I’m not the boss, I think it’s time you went back to work and contributed your half.”

Now what? I don’t want to go back to work. — Stalemate, St. Norbert

Dear Stalemate: Money is power, and the one who pays for everything in a family sometimes thinks he or she should rule the roost.

Making all that money is a lot of work and responsibility. A financial compromise here might even things out.

Could you go back to your work half-time now your kids are just about teens? Then you could contribute financially and work out “ruling” 50-50 — or, better still, “sharing” the running of the house.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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