Being up-front may help mom step up

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/05/2020 (2314 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I really miss one of my teachers. He is like the parent I don’t have and he was available to me at school, but now we’re out of school because of COVID-19 there’s no communication with him. I can’t just phone up my teacher’s home.

My own dad isn’t helpful at all — such a doofus. Besides, he doesn’t live with us. My uncles are busy with their own kids and I don’t play contact sports these days, so no coaches. My mom’s OK, but she tends to preach, and then the conversation goes into the ditch. What do you suggest I do?

— Need To Talk to An Adult, North End

Dear Need to Talk: Work with what you have — your mother. Tell her you’d like to be able to talk to her, like you do with that teacher at school, but when she starts to preach, you just clam up. Ask her to get back to you if she thinks she could be more like that.

Let her think about that for a few days. She might be miffed for a bit, but most parents would really like to have a close relationship with their growing kids. You also know you can trust her and that she loves you. Maybe you could teach her to be exactly what you need — a friend, an adviser and still a mom.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We went to open up the cabin and the whole family, which has been stuck together in a medium-sized house with two good bathrooms in the city, was suddenly in a small cabin getting on each other’s nerves.

My mom and dad love the cabin, and we don’t. They say going there is the best way to break up the week when we are “physical distancing.”

As far as I’m concerned, the lake is worse. All we do is debate things endlessly and play stupid board games. I asked my parents if my brother and I (we’re 15 and 17) could stay home on weekends and be very careful about social distancing and not have people over, and they said “No way.”

— Unhappy Sons, River Heights

Dear Unhappy Sons: It’s not a matter of people being restrictive just to be mean. It’s a matter of keeping a lid on COVID-19 so we don’t have a second wave.

Do you think this is fun for your parents? They may have money worries on top of looking out for you. How about you give them a break, quit whining and be nice? These are hard times for everyone.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 16, and old for my age. I’ve read every book in my parents’ house since “COVID jail” started at our place.

Then I asked to stay at my granny’s, because she and I are close — rebels, like old and new hippies (kind of). She even taught me how to tie-dye clothes at her place. I was bored, and started reading books from her shelves.

On the bottom shelf in her basement, I found some dusty old books. I pulled them out, read some of the book titles, and knew I’d “struck gold” (one of Gran’s favourite expressions).

I got a pillowcase from my room and carried them all back there. I started with Lady Chatterley’s Lover and Fanny Hill and then I got into the Joy of Sex — two editions.

I now read every night until very late using my cellphone light under the covers. Grandma knows I read until 3 a.m., but looks the other way. She says it’s a “normal curiosity” at my age to learn about sex.

Gran told my parents I’d “turned into a bookworm — of sorts.” I laughed when I overheard my mother say to my dad, “I never thought our daughter would become a bookworm, but she’s got nothing else to do now.”

Then I found a shelf of Victorian novels, which are really called “bodice-rippers.” What an education. Ha! Who needs school? I’m not looking forward to going back to that old boring “literature.”

Yesterday, I told my mom I want to be a sexologist when I grow up and she didn’t get it. She said, “You mean like a gynecologist, a ladies’ doctor?” I said, “No! I mean what I said — a sexologist. This is 2020, mom!” How do I make it clear?  She said there was no such career.

— Already Studying For It, Winnipeg

 

Dear Already Studying: Sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality and sexual behaviour. Sexologists and sex therapists are not one and the same. You don’t have to go into medicine and you don’t have to necessarily be a sex therapist.

Some sexologists do sex research, writing, teaching and different forms of activism. Universities in North America offer courses in sexuality and a few offer degrees at the undergraduate and graduate levels. Often, people who go on to be sexologists already have degrees in psychology, sociology or medical sciences. 

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.