Stick with your dating peer group for now

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This article was published 25/06/2020 (2242 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This handsome man who is 35 years older than I am, has asked me out. He is well-known and wealthy, and he’s not looking at me with “just friendship” in his eyes. I’ve never dated anyone that much older in my life. I am 31.

He might be really interesting, but what will people say? I met him through my work and he has a working (but completely separate) relationship with my boss.

He says I don’t have to decide until he’s back in town, which is six to eight weeks away. Meanwhile, he said he’ll “keep in touch.”

This morning I got exotic flowers on my desk, not roses. Why can’t guys my age act like this? Should I go out with him? — Nervous, But a Bit Interested, West Kildonan

Dear Nervous: You are not a worldly 31-going-on-40 kind of woman. You’re still shocked by flowers and a noticeable age difference, and you’re worried about what strangers will say at the next table in a restaurant.

You need to date people closer to 30 than 60.

Luckily, this is a business associate of your boss. You can say no nicely, because of that alone, and he will probably tell you that you’re being “practical.”

By the way, “practical” won’t be meant as a compliment, no matter how even his tone, and he won’t bother you again.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At the bank, I spotted my ex waiting two physically-distanced people in front of me for the machine. He saw me when he turned to leave, and waved.

I didn’t wave back, but when he got to his car, I started to shake a little. He was an alcoholic and violent to me when I was with him.

He got into his car and drove away, and I heaved a sigh of relief. But then I was scared for two days afterwards that he would call me. In the past, he somehow would always get my hidden number.

I know he had to go for rehab after getting into trouble for violence and stalking me. Does this mean it worked, and he can now leave me alone?

He looked healthy for a change, and he didn’t look like he’d been drinking.

I hope I can stop shaking now when I see him somewhere. He lives in my area of the city. — Formerly Stalked Girlfriend, Winnipeg

Dear Formerly Stalked: You got the casual wave, and he left it at that. That’s good behaviour and less creepy than seeing you and just staring.

Accept your good fortune! Don’t obsess on the casual wave, as it was not just a prelude to coming over and getting in your face.

Most needy, possessive guys will find a new girlfriend fairly quickly after a relationship has been ended for good, so it’s likely you have been replaced already.

Can you say “whew!” and move on?

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband hates it when I read instead of talking to him in the living room after dinner. I like my spot on the love seat alone, and I don’t want to watch TV and exchange comments on a program with him.

Then, the other night he asked me to sit with him very pointedly. When I settled in and opened my book he snapped it shut and put it on the coffee table and said, “You’re spending time with me now.”

He doesn’t own me! I’m not his little talking doll. We’ve been married two years now, and I don’t see why I can’t relax and enjoy living companionably beside someone and being married, like my parents.

My father never pestered my mother to talk to him or watch TV with him. Why can’t my husband stop being such a big baby?

I want to be his adult companion, not his steady date every night, although I do give him sex every night because I like it. What more does he want? — Smothered, Wolseley

Dear Smothered: You are treating your husband like a non-entity; like he doesn’t exist.

Maybe he’d like a little catch-up chat at the end the day and then he’d be OK with your reading.

Instead, you totally ignore him except for sex at the end of the night. Someday (and it might not be too far away) he may go for a drink and dinner with a lady at the end of a day’s work and it won’t be with you.

A marriage licence doesn’t give you the right to tie somebody up emotionally and keep them under your roof. You need to be loving and willing to communicate to make it a real marriage.

He must be horrified to see you turned into your mother and expect him to play your silent daddy’s role.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com  or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.