Get to the root of persistent jealousy issue

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This article was published 28/06/2020 (2238 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was crying because I was so jealous the other afternoon. My husband has been acting suspiciously lately — losing weight, working out, running, buying new clothes. He phoned at 4 p.m. to say he might be missing supper again.

I was sure he must be seeing a certain woman from his office because he works late with her way too much, and he accidentally drops her name too often.

I imagined them out for dinner at the restaurant he frequents near his work and God-knows-what-else after that. So, I lost control and went there to try to catch them. Not there! And the owner said he hadn’t seen my husband that week.

When I finally got home, my husband was in the backyard at the barbecue making a steak dinner for us. Shame on me! I didn’t tell him I’d been out hunting him down, like I used to do when we first married. How do I stop my jealousy, besides overfeeding him?

— Green-Eyed Lady Monster, Tuxedo

Dear Monster: Since this is a problem that’s plagued you on and off for a long time, it’s time for a better cure than fattening up your husband. Your self-esteem needs a big boost. It sounds like you’re at home alone a lot. Is this due to the coronavirus, or are you not out in the working world like your husband is? Perhaps it’s time to go back to paying work or volunteer work you love.

Along with that, consider counselling. If you aren’t ready to get physically close to a psychologist or even have appointments by phone, at least start reading.

A good start would be Paul A. Hauck’s Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness. You can buy it online where you can check out sample pages to see his very readable style.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want a new beginning with a guy who’s a friend first, then a companion and hopefully a lover.

I’m on a few dating sites, and I’m attractive, so I’m told. I exercise three times a week. I like to have fun, laugh and I’m witty. But still, I’ve only had a few dates.

Why do men always want your phone number? What and where can I join to meet more people?

— Lonely and Looking, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely and Looking: Men you meet online ask for your phone number so the contact becomes real and they can phone and talk to you, hear your voice and get to know you. Also, be aware some of the men and women on dating sites are fake. Some of them are even married people just having a lark to see who will find them attractive.

To be safe, you should ask for the man’s number first, so you can call him and see if he’s for real. You should hide your own number when calling in case you don’t like what you hear.

As for meeting people face to face, Adventures For Successful Singles (adventuresforsuccessfulsingles.com) has recently opened up many of its “mostly outdoor” activities, where fresh air and physical distancing are very helpful in keeping safe.

Understandably, dancing is not part of the doable list yet. But cycling, golf, Sunday brunches, five-pin bowling, park walks and lunches, cycling, slo-pitch and pub nights are on. Cards and games, barbecues and camping activities are also happening now.

The crowd this club attracts is between 35 and 75, and people are single, separated, divorced or widowed. Surely you can find four or five activities that will show you a good part of the club membership who share your interests.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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