Stalled marriage needs tune-up, or scrapyard

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/08/2020 (2194 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a real dipstick. He’s only in love with his cars. He has five of them on our rural property and a few others in other people’s garages.

I don’t ask him if he loves me anymore, because he knows I’m close to opting out of this “marriage,” before we have any kids. The only time he’s interested in sex is if I mention my old boyfriend and then he gets all possessive.

It isn’t about loving me or desiring me, although I am a nice-looking woman in her early 30s. He’s more interested in engine parts than my parts, and that’s no lie. So why do I stay? I don’t know.

I used to love him and he used to say he loved me. But then, his conversation would quickly turn to babies we could have. He was really excited about marrying me because he’s older and I’m young enough to have children — much younger than he is.

That interest, for me, wore off in a year because he was quickly back to his beloved cars every night. I have not gone off birth control and he knows it. What do you suggest?

— Colder By The Month, St. Boniface

Dear Colder: You need marriage counselling ASAP, by phone or in-person. For your older husband, you and his late marriage were exciting because he was really looking forward to having some children — and he thought you were on board with that adventure.

When it seemed you weren’t ready to get on with having the family he so desired, he went back to his other love — cars. If you know right now you don’t want to spend your life and have babies with this man, it’s time to set both of you free.

Then your husband can find another lady who might want to have a family with him, or is a single mom with kids who would love an involved step dad. You can find someone who’s a great lover and whose major interests in life match yours, and still have babies, if you really want them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife, now in her 40s, has a thriving business not hurt by the pandemic. She went and got a loan and bought a boat on her own that was “a deal” because of another person’s business misfortunes (due to COVID-19).

The thing sleeps two overnight guests. I never would have chosen this. I’d rather buy a big motorcycle and go on rides, and she knows that. She’s lucky I love her so much.

— Would-Be Gentleman Biker, Winnipeg

Dear Would-Be Biker: Like the couple in the first letter, you two want different things to go along with your marriage. The difference is you really love this woman.

Could you not buy a bike and enjoy having a motorcycle and a boat? You two could ride out on the motorcycle, take the boat cruising overnight and ride back on the bike. This is beginning to sound like the solution to a first-world problem — and maybe it is.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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