Unhappy, scrappy sons could use an outdoor outlet

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This article was published 01/02/2021 (2087 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s too hard to keep my temper when my kids, who are 12 and 13, are fighting like bear cubs all over the house. Weekends are the worst! I know they’re going stir-crazy from not being able to take part in all their regular sports.

They start off play-fighting, then somebody gets hurt and it quickly turns ugly. When they start rolling on the living room floor, swearing and punching each other, I get an old flyswatter out of the cupboard and whack them and yell at them, until they break apart. I know that’s not acceptable modern parenting, but I’m desperate!

They never do this when Dad is home, but he works every weekend and he doesn’t believe me when I say they’re so violent. He says, “They’re just playing. Ignore it. Boys will be boys. They need to burn off some energy!”

I pray for these endless weekends to be over. I’m going nuts! One of the boys got a black eye from his brother last weekend. What can I do? — Mama Bear in Shreds, Winnipeg

Dear Mama Bear: Catch their bad behaviour on a smartphone video and show it to their father so he finally sees and hears some evidence. The rule with many families is that all play-fighting happens outdoors (where it’s freezing).

You and your husband might need to get the boys the necessary gear to make their own rink in the yard. It’s worth the sacrifice and a little grass seed in the spring.

Your husband could supervise — and you could stand inside enjoying a coffee, smiling for a change!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate like a pig over the holidays, and also for four weeks after. It seemed like there was nothing else to do. My wife had other ideas, and was out walking with her best friend, doing all the park walks in the city.

I can see the disdain on my wife’s face when she sees me getting undressed with a belly and a roll that can’t be hidden anymore. I started wearing a black T-shirt and boxers to bed a few weeks ago. She goes to bed stark naked. I know what my little athlete on the other side of the bed wants, but I’m feeling a lack of confidence, and so is Mr. Johnson.

She isn’t inviting me along on her daily exercise events with her girlfriend, and I don’t blame her. I don’t have a close male buddy to accompany me, so what am I supposed to do? Got any advice? — Flabby Young Husband, River Heights

Dear Young Husband: It looks like you and your buddy Mr. Johnson need to start building your confidence indoors, while your wife is outside walking. That means an exercise bike to burn off calories with cardio, and perhaps a TV or energizing music for inspiration.

You don’t need to be doing the outdoor walks right away, but when you get enough stamina to be a good walking companion to your wife, suggest an extra weekend walk at a surprise location.

Then you need a walking plan that outclasses the regular walks with her girlfriend in terms of adventure and romance. Holding hands, kissing and taking photos are highly recommended perks of a couple’s walking adventure. The Forks would be an excellent place to start.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You were bang on with Worried Sick Grandma (To-Be) whose son’s girlfriend is pregnant and the young couple are living with her chaotic family. (Miss L. suggested grandma-to-be welcomes the young mom and baby with love and casual role modelling.) Way to go!

You never know — if this grandma and her son continue to be a calming presence in this baby’s life, she may end up having the three of them over at her house quite a bit, which may be best for the baby.

If the police are still called to the chaotic house monthly once the baby is there, Child and Family Services may become involved and order the three of them to stay with Grandma.

If the relationship breaks down between the two parents, and Grandma has been a positive influence, perhaps she’ll end up seeing the baby 24-7. — Been There! Winnipeg

Dear Been There: Too many parents take the opposite of the calming route, and harp on their son — a surprised baby daddy — to abandon ship and distance himself from the pregnant young mom (and her scary family).

That baby needs the stability of the father’s more stable family members. One shouldn’t abandon a helpless baby to live completely with the chaotic side of a family.

When that happens and the child grows up with no support and stability, he or she will always wonder why no one from the stable side stepped in to support and protect them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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