Dinner-table KO should disqualify boyfriend

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This article was published 23/02/2021 (2007 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad is an idiot, but my boyfriend is too! We were having dinner at my parents’ place and the two got into an argument. It ended up with my dad doing that fake-out lunge at my boyfriend — and my boyfriend ended up knocking my dad on his ass!

Now my mom’s super mad at us, and my dad said he’d better not see my boyfriend ever again!

I love my boyfriend, though. He’s so good to me, and is very protective. We are in love! What do I do? — Uneasy Street, West End

Dear Uneasy: Unfortunately, it looks like you picked a guy just like your dad. These types fight physically, and in your own words, they are both “idiots.”

You’re stuck with your dad in this life, but why would you willingly choose a hothead to possibly be your husband and father to your children?

Think about it this way: what is it you actually like about the way these men behave? If you truly hated the arguing and physical fighting, you’d have chosen a strong guy who is also a gentleman.

Now, some would argue fist-fighting or wrestling is exciting, but you say you want a protector type. Then find the best kind — a man who protects against attack from outside his family, but doesn’t also lay his fists on you, his children or the grandparents.

This boyfriend has actually flattened your father already! That should tell you something.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife might be cheating on me. Well, I think she is, and I might as well face it! I know, because I finally grabbed her phone when she was in the bathtub and looked at it.

I feel like a jerk on some level, but at the same time… I was right! She’s been sending and receiving “nudes” with a guy she works with.

I’m so sick to my stomach, I can’t believe it. I guess it’s over now, and I need to do something about it.

We had a big fight the night after I found her disgusting photos, but it was about something else.

I didn’t have the guts to actually tell her I saw the nude shots of her and that jerk. I just flipped out about something small, and have been stand-offish ever since.

We work opposite shifts, so at least it’s not too unbearable to be at home. Where do I even start the conversation? I can’t find the words. —Deflated and Betrayed, West Kildonan

Dear Betrayed: Before you have the “Big Talk,” think about the different scenarios possibly ahead. Try to figure out what you want out of it.

Will you and your wife be able to talk things out together, or will you need counselling?

Or have things been bad for a long time (maybe the sex has become rare or nonexistent) and she really wants out?

You saw the nude photo exchange on her phone, so that’s where you start the conversation. Then you ask: how did we get to this place? Then talk about when the marriage was good, and work through stages of the marriage up to this sad one.

Things you also need to know ASAP: has your wife met with this guy yet? Is this online playing around or have they gotten into a personal relationship and have been seeing each other? Do you know this guy from your circles of friends, acquaintances or co-workers?

Now here’s the big question for you: can you trust your wife’s answers? That’s a large part of the problem ahead, so try to keep your temper under control.

You could do with a knowledgeable referee. Many local relationship counsellors will talk to you by telephone or via an online meeting app like Zoom — together or apart — in these pandemic times.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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