Don’t let ‘fiancé make you a Valentine’s fool

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This article was published 01/03/2021 (2051 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m freaking — still no ring! My boyfriend of three years forgot to get me a Valentine’s Day card or gift. He had nothing for me, and in his embarrassment, he took a big breath and said his Valentine’s gift to me was “bigger and better than any little gift.” He said that he was offering himself, and we would marry someday.

I said, “Do you really mean that?” and he blew me off with, “How could you doubt me?” I asked him if he meant with a diamond ring and everything. He rolled over and muttered something like “April Fool.”

Weeks have gone by. Not one more word about it, no looking for a diamond online together — big or small. Should I mention it? Should I just try to forget about it? Honestly, I feel sad and I’m getting a little suspicious. It was probably just a phoney cover-up for the fact he gave me nothing on Valentine’s Day. What do you think?

— Doubting My Engagement Now, Osborne Village

Dear Doubting: His saying “April Fool” was your clue. You noticed it subconsciously, but haven’t let it register fully until now. Let yourself hear it loud and clear! This guy has no intention of marrying you, at least not now and only possibly in the future.

He thought you’d throw a fit when he said April Fool, except you let it go. Why would you want to marry a guy who does something like this? You’re in for a lot of further disappointments if you stay his girlfriend, never mind becoming his wife.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I gave some money to my brother years ago to help him pay rent until he finished university. He got a great job, but never paid me back. To be fair, I never asked him to pay me anything. There was no agreement. I gifted it to him. I didn’t want him to think he had a debt to repay as soon as he got out of school.

Now he’s doing well, I think he should offer to pay me back. I have a good job, but he’s making great money, and it’s really starting to bug me. What is your opinion?

— Missing My Money, East Kildonan

Dear Missing My Money: You want your gift back — a gift that was never a loan? How much is your brother worth to you? If you ask for it, he’ll probably give it back all right, but it will cause trouble.

If you really needed money when he started doing well for himself, and asked him for a loan, that might have gone well. He’d probably have given it to you, and said: “Don’t pay it back, we’re even!” But the thing is, you don’t need the money at all, and he will know it and will wonder how long you have been miffed about “the gift,” which could create distance between you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I agreed to move into a two-bedroom and wait out this COVID thing with my sexy new girlfriend, because who knew it would last this long? After a few months, it was like having the same thing for dinner every day for a year — bo-ring!

We’re both working at home so we’ve got no news to talk about either.

After office hours, we go into separate rooms and phone our friends. At least that’s what I thought, until I was bored the other night and decided to listen by the door she closes and locks now. Girlfriend was cheating on me by phone.

I didn’t say anything but I got busy with my secret list, and called a few old girlfriends I used to fool around with, and locked the door to the room I was in, to “play” with them. Now, Girlfriend and I are both cheating on the phone and sometimes having sex with each other. What else can we do?

— Rock and a Hard Place, Wolseley

Dear Hard Place: If this arrangement worked for both of you, you wouldn’t be writing me. So, let’s think a few moves ahead. If you call out your live-in for what she’s doing behind closed doors, you’ll have to work at pretending you’re the wronged one — the only one being cheated on, boo-hoo!

But you’re calling sex buddies on your own little list, so would it not be better to dial your relationship down to roommates who have a friendship and occasional sex — if that arrangement works for both of you?

If you have the money you can get your own place — even a studio apartment for true privacy. But if you don’t, you may have to find a way to make do until COVID is over, which could be a longer time than we had hoped.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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