Ogling habit betrays beau’s true shallowness

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/03/2021 (2044 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I feel like my boyfriend is always looking at other women! My friends have told me I’m crazy, and just paranoid, but I can’t help it. Before COVID, whenever we were out together and a good-looking woman went by, his eyes would wander and rest on her body.

I’m thought to be a beautiful woman myself, by people other than my boyfriend, but that doesn’t make me any more secure. I know he’s always dated women who look like they could be models or movie stars, and that he has changed partners fairly often. But, during the pandemic, he isn’t looking so much — maybe out of fear.

I’m crazy about him — he’s very funny, charming and good-looking — but I can’t relax and just ignore the wandering eyes. I know it’s there — his need to look at other women — and it will be back when COVID is gone. How can I get through to him, without being pushy, about how much the habit hurts me?

— Sensitive Woman, Tuxedo

Dear Sensitive: He doesn’t just need just one good-looking woman. He’s distracted by all beautiful women that come across his line of vision, and clearly makes no secret of it. This is the wrong kind of man for you.

Why would you want to be with a man like this in the first place? Imagine being pregnant, feeling sick or tired, or not up to making yourself look like the model he requires by his side. You need a man who loves you inside and out and makes you feel loved and secure at all times.

Right now, you may feel your shelf life is about the same number of months it’ll take to get the population vaccinated.

Look, you need a man who values your personality, your heart, your intelligence and your spirit, not just your looks. Here’s the good news: Most men are not shallow and rude like this man, and don’t make their partners feel insecure.

If you can’t stop feeling you are only beautiful and valuable on the outside, a good psychologist could help get you to that place of self-worth and security.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a crush on a woman who works in a grocery store where I go. Thank Goodness it didn’t close down for COVID! I’ve been going there for three years now, and I have a good rapport with her. But she’s been wearing a diamond engagement ring. I always look at it when she’s ringing up my bill. Then, it was gone just last week!

I blurted out: “Oh I see you’re not wearing your ring anymore!” She blushed and said, “No, and it’s for the best.”

Then she smiled, and it felt like the sun just came out.

I want to ask her out so badly, now she’s free, but I’m so afraid she will say no. Then I won’t be able to go back to the store without being embarrassed. Still, I’m afraid I can’t waste time, or someone else will ask her. What should I do? Is she going to think I’m being inappropriate?

— Now’s My Chance?, North End

Dear Now’s My Chance? At least give her a few weeks! Don’t jump on this too fast. Maybe she fought with her man, and they will get back together. Or, she may just need a little time to get over the break-up.

So what can you do? This is the time to become more friendly and start buying groceries every few days instead of a big shopping once a week. Make conversation about anything — the weather, how busy they are, something in the news or the neighbourhood — just small talk and a smile. You’ll know if and when she’s flirting back. Then’s the time to pounce!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography