Time to call out touchy-feely bridge buddy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/03/2021 (2042 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best friend’s husband is an idiot, but she doesn’t know it — because I hide it from her. I don’t want her to be hurt, and they still have half-grown children to raise.

My husband wanted to choose this couple as two designated friends who could visit our house, because they’re lots of fun, work from home and don’t have kids who’d see a lot of other people at school.

Things were OK until we started learning to play bridge together, got all keen and started seeing a lot more of each other. The problem is her husband is touchy-feely, every chance he gets. It happens more when other people are not in the room.

Lately, if I go out to the kitchen, he follows me and if I lean over to get something out of the oven, he puts his hand on my back. No big deal, right? Except when I move to the sink to get a glass of water, he comes up close behind me and reaches over my head to get the glass for me out of the cupboard.

He also touches my hand to get my attention at the card table, and generally finds every excuse to touch both his wife and me.

My husband says he sees nothing unusual and to let it go. So, to make my point, I asked my husband how he’d feel if this guy’s wife was touching him all the time when out of the room together, and he laughingly admitted it would be weird.

So now what do I say, when I don’t really want to lose the only COVID pals we have? — In a Quandary, St. Norbert

Dear Quandary: This man probably knows what he’s doing. When he follows you into the kitchen again, tell him in a firm voice you don’t want to be followed and touched by any guy other than your husband. Then lift your eyebrows for emphasis (no need to smile and diminish the seriousness) and walk back into the card room and be polite to everyone.

He’ll get a clear message from that. If not, tell your husband to help you in the kitchen.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was in a car accident months ago, and haven’t driven since.

My live-in partner has been pushing me to get back behind the wheel. I just can’t. It wasn’t even a bad accident, but all my life I’ve had a dream when I’m under stress that I die in a crash with a big truck.

My girlfriend wants me to see a shrink, and I keep telling her I’m not crazy and to get off my back! I know how unfair this is, because she has to drive me to and from work, or I have to take an expensive taxi.

I don’t know why I have this dream. Do you think I need my head shrunk? — Normal Guy, St. Boniface

Dear Normal Guy: To get at this fear it’d be wise to see a psychologist, since you can’t get rid of it yourself.

Some workplaces have counselling/psychological visits built into their group insurance plans, and in other cases you have to pay. It will still be cheaper than taking taxis and buses the rest of your life, or depending on your partner and friends to drive you everywhere.

If your therapist suggests hypnosis to take you back to the point where the fear originated, don’t balk. It’s often the fastest way to get at a hidden memory and resolve the trauma.

In some cases, dealing with a fear can be resolved in a few weeks or months of visits. That’d be a great investment for the remaining years of your life. You obviously are feeling badly about the situation, so stop fighting what should help resolve your problem.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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