Good catch will be fine with your feline

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/03/2021 (1989 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a guy who lives on his own. My wife and I are newly divorced, no kids. With COVID, that means nobody comes in the house.

I have a young cat, who rides on my shoulder. She’s my little pal and I have to confess I let her sit on the kitchen table when I’m eating, and I throw her little bites when I’m eating fish.

She also sleeps with me, right on the pillow beside. I go to sleep to the tune of soft purring. I’m alone, but not lonely, because of her.

Then along comes this new girlfriend prospect online. We started talking on the phone and when I mentioned this cat situation to her — expecting a laugh — she said it was “unclean and unhealthy.” It turns out she’s a clean freak and likes animals only from a distance, like watching them in movies.

I expressed my feelings about being loving and laid-back with people and animals, and she gaily chatted on. She wasn’t even listening.

I haven’t called her since, but she calls me. I mean daily! How do I tell her I find her attitude to my cat and my cleanliness a turn-off? It’s not like I have any other girlfriends and I’m not going out, so she’s one of the few people I hear from.

— A Man and His Cat, Wolseley

Dear Man: There’s a danger in being a single person with only one fishing line in the water — and it’s got a fish on it you don’t want. After more than a year of COVID, people are pretty lonely and hungry for conversation and a dinner companion, not to mention some human touch. But she’s not the only free woman in the world, although COVID makes people lose the feeling they have choices.

It’s time to shore up your courage and get busy online again. Talk to new women and find some nice people similar to you. Then you can afford to be up front with Ms. Clean and tell her how you feel — as nicely as possible — and definitely dial it back to casual friends.

When people are vaccinated and you can fish full-out again, make “easygoing and animal loving” part of your dating profile. Then be sure to ask about it when you start communicating a lot, because it’s important to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve just started seeing a wonderful woman (five years younger than me) and I messed things up. I didn’t cheat or anything, but I embarrassed myself a couple of times in a big way during arguments where I guess I said some sexist things — which come straight from my old-fashioned upbringing.

We haven’t made love in three weeks, and I feel like it’s because she believes I’m a loser, and soon she’s going to walk away, which would be awful. I need to show her she’s wrong about me, and that I didn’t mean to say those things in a hurtful way, and I understand better about women being equal. What can I do?

— Desperate Guy, St. James

Dear Desperate: She’s questioning the way you think — not just your speech and actions since. You need to get these topics out, and talk about the way you were taught, what you have learned from her and what your thoughts are on these topics now.

She’s so worried about what’s in your head that it’s turning her off. Problems like this don’t just go away with new behaviours. She may think you’re just putting up a front to keep from losing her.

As long as you’re being sincere and not faking it to hold onto her, there’s a good chance the ice will thaw after a long talk. If not, she may move on because she feels she’s with the wrong person. Then you’ll have to forget about her, and look for someone new, who’s a little more like you. The new you, that is!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography