Fated or not, try relationship again with eyes wide open

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/04/2021 (2021 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boring life changed in one quick instant last week! My old heartbreaker of a girlfriend has just moved back from Toronto and OMG, she’s single again! It was like fate. I ran into her at Portage and Main! She grabbed my hand and led me to the sheltered side of a high rise for “a little talk.”

She’s just gotten out of her second marriage and she’s single again, with a new apartment downtown — no furniture yet. But, she has a great new job back in Winnipeg — always lands on her feet. She said she “wasn’t going to call and disturb anything I’ve got going on, but this meeting must have been fate!” She said it was meant to be.

I have nothing going on, and God help me, I still love her! But I couldn’t keep her interest last time, and she messed up my head big time. Please help!

— Almost a Goner, Downtown

Dear Goner: You already know you’re going to give it another whirl, don’t you? You need a professional coach! So, you must quickly find the best psychologist or relationship counsellor you can, to be on your secret team. Your other friends won’t be available. They’ll be covering their eyes and groaning, “Nooooo!”

Either you’ll win her over this time, or you’ll have another hot fling and get flung! If she drops you, this time you’ll be made of tougher material and you won’t be such a mess. Sometimes in life, there’s a person who has enough magic to make you into a fool twice. The second time they say goodbye, you may be sad, but hopefully you’ll be able to keep it together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I are very different people and it has worked until now. I cook because she hates it; she happily does the dishes after dinner. I take out the garbage; she vacuums.

But, I like to stay home and she likes to go out. Still, we both used to love sex together — and we could go all night long on a Saturday — but that’s stopped.

Now COVID-19 has kept her home a long time, and something weird is going on. She’s met new younger friends at her job. Even with the pandemic still happening, she’s started going out again, and comes home tipsy. I wonder if the length of the pandemic and the prospect of a vaccine soon has changed her perspective. I talked to her about taking chances, and her response had a strong vibe of: why bother worrying? What’s the big deal now?

The pandemic is still a big deal! Older people are getting vaccinated, but we’re not old. I don’t want to lose her, but it feels like she’s changing and we’re drifting apart. I eat dinner alone too many nights. Can I stop my marriage from falling apart before it’s too late? It scares me to fight and risk everything.

— Missing My Old Wife, River Heights

Dear Missing: Many people are feeling a dangerous degree of boredom after a year of lockdown. Some are starting to lose their fear of COVID-19 and take stupid chances.

Spring fever is real. The blood stirs with the sun, and people do get restless. They want to socialize, let loose, maybe have some drinks and often the libido wakes up.

Rather than trying to restrain your wife, step up your game! Start by cranking up the barbecue, serving wine with dinner and having tunes playing when she comes home to dance her around the kitchen. Then take her out for a drive. When she asks suspiciously, “What’s gotten into you?” you say, “Winter’s over and I’m ready to have fun again!”

If can’t pull this off, you’ll have to get over your fear and have an honest conversation about your marriage and how you’re both feeling — but that could be dangerous if you haven’t shown you’re ready to be more fun.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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