Crush a wake-up call on relationship dynamics

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/04/2021 (1999 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m way too interested in a woman I’ve just met and can’t stop thinking about her. She’s engaged, and we just met through work. I’m three years into a relationship with a woman who’s wonderful, except she’s bossy everywhere, including the bedroom.

I wasn’t cut out to be anybody’s slave, but she’s breathtaking and I love her voluptuous body and silky red hair. Still, I balk at the thought of giving my life to her; that’s what marriage would be like with this dominant woman.

That’s where the new woman comes in. She’s works in a related business and I see her on-screen every day. We already privately call each other to chit-chat when we’re not at work.

Does she already have a better man than me? Oh yes, ma’am — but she’s not married to him yet! She loves to do things for him, instead of getting waited on. I may be crazy, but I could interfere if I poured on the charm.

So, what about my girlfriend of three years? I thought I was crazy in love with her all this time, but now I don’t know what I’m doing. — Totally Messed Up, Crescentwood

Dear Messed Up: You may have been enchanted by your three-year Queen, but now you’re running scared. It sounds like it would be a full-time job being married to her, and you’d be doing most of the “work.” A submissive man would love that, but that’s not you!

You fear being engulfed and you know what lies ahead if you commit your life to this powerful woman. This princess you met through work is the opposite and seems like safer option — a giver instead of a taker.

That doesn’t mean you’re in love with the new woman, and she’s definitely busy with someone else. But, she’s a distraction; this gives you some room to breathe.

Pretty soon you’re going to have to talk to your powerful woman. You need to confess you’re just not a lifetime match, as you don’t want to be dominated full-time — and that’s her natural style of relating to a man.

That means freeing yourself and looking for another woman, maybe a bit like this new crush, with a full body and lots of beautiful hair, but no power needs.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I write in regard to Scared Sick, the woman who has not told the truth to her son about who his biological father is. (“Bio-dad” has threatened to expose the lie. I suggested she confess now, and break his hold over her. —Miss L.)

Nowadays a lot of people have their DNA tested, to check on their ancestry for the fun of it. Three of my four children have already done this.

My children are not all from the same father. Thank goodness I told them the truth before they found out for themselves. It will come as a major shock if this woman is not honest, and one day her son finds out.

Also, she should have should have told her husband right from the start. If they were separated at the time she got pregnant, then there should have been no shame in admitting it at the time.

Maybe her husband was having a relationship with someone else too, and could have fathered a child she doesn’t know about.

The reconciliation should have included total honesty. It’s urgent she tell the truth now! — J.R., Manitoba

Dear J.R.: Maybe Scared Sick was terrified her husband wouldn’t love the child hastily conceived with another man during their short separation — he might have even rejected the baby and her.

At the start, that lie was told to keep things together, and the bio-father had told her he wanted nothing to do with the child. He never wanted visitation and paid no child support.

As the years went on, the boy had a loving father and bio-guy had seemingly disappeared, so Mom thought she was pretty safe. But, the cat came back and now she’s scared stiff.

She has no choice but to tell the truth to her son and her husband.

Who knows? The sperm donor might not even want to see the grown boy. He may simply have been working up to asking his mother for hush money.

If he does want to meet the young man, likely the son will see him out of curiosity. But, his mom’s husband is the loving father he has always known as Dad, and will continue to love.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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