Don’t let ‘dream’ woman turn into nightmare

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This article was published 04/08/2021 (1836 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I understand fantasies, but when my husband calls out this other woman’s name in his dreams, I’m no dummy. I told him that was enough. It continued, and I’ve been thinking there have been some red flags for an affair. He started to exercise, lose weight and recently bought two stylish summer suits for work.

Could she be working with him or near him? I also noticed one particular number on his phone.

I want to confront him, but I’m not sure I’m ready to hear the answer. When my father stepped out on my mother, she said, “I ignored it and hoped it would peter itself out, and it did.” My parents are still together after 54 years, but Mom was a housewife and had no job. I have a professional career.

Last night, I had a nightmare. I was confronting this other woman, and screaming at her to let my husband go, but she said, “I can’t!” What should I do?

— Mother of Two, St. James

Dear Mother of Two: Your mom may have suffered a long time — perhaps many years — since she couldn’t support herself and the family alone. You have a choice. Consider confronting your husband about his dream woman, saying: “I think it’s time we talked about this woman you call out to in your sleep.” Say her name, and then watch his face closely.

If he reacts, ask who she is and what she means to him. Tell him you’ve noted changes in him that might indicate an affair, and name them. If he admits to it, ask him directly to stop seeing her and to go for counselling together to save your marriage — and the pain to the children. That will force things to a head.

Be aware the calling out of a name may not mean he actually has been with this woman, but that he desires her. Or it may be somebody he used to be with and still longs for. However, shaping up and buying new clothes, seems to point towards a present attraction in his work world.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing from the lake as we have a problem going on here with our new neighbour. She brought her dogs and cats with her. Six in total! And she thought she could let them run loose! I saw a fight start with my two dogs and her snappy small one, and lost my cool. I kicked her dog (not too hard!) to finally get him off my dog and my property.

I keep my own dogs tied up outside most of the time, even though our place is a way out from the nearest beach town. She threatened to call the authorities — and I told her to shove it. My wife is demanding we talk it over, or she will go home to have peace for the rest of her summer holiday from teaching. Help!

— Fed Up Dog Owner, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Fed Up: Ask your wife to go over and be the mediator. Your kicking the neighbour lady’s dog will not have endeared you to her.

Your partner is used to dealing with kids who fight at school. So maybe she can mediate and apologize for you kicking the dog and possibly work out a solution for keeping her dogs within boundaries. As feuding neighbours, you may end up needing a fence between your properties.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m crazy about a man and his little kids I see at the park on Sundays. He’s always there at the same time and I confess I go back to see him. I love his looks and the way he plays with his children.

I’m single and my last boyfriend was long gone before the pandemic. He broke up with me because I live with my big family — Including my crazy brothers. That big baby thought someone might give him COVID! In the end, I heard he got COVID, but not from us.

Now I see this man and his little kids and I just pretend to read my book! I’ve memorized the first 10 pages.

Sometimes the ball rolls towards my blanket and I’ll throw it back to Dad, who smiles and thanks me. Melt! He isn’t wearing any ring and I heard one of the kids talking about “going home to Mommy’s house.” Could this mean he’s not living with his wife? How can I make contact without looking pushy?

— Hoping Hard, Assiniboine Park

Dear Hoping Hard: If this man is having difficult times with his ex — separation or pending divorce — he doesn’t need the kids (innocently) reporting your presence. But, if he’s already divorced, it can’t hurt things if you say hello, and make a little comment. Sometimes all you need to do is open the door if there’s a mutual attraction. You need to talk to him and enquire very casually as to his marital status.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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