Breathing space should be first project

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/08/2021 (1831 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just moved into a tiny house with my wife, and it’s quickly turning into a nightmare. We bought the place only a couple of months ago in the North End, and moved out of our large apartment downtown because of the changing home market. My wife of eight years pushed it, saying this was our “last chance” to get in on the rapidly changing home market.

The house is a lot smaller than our old rental apartment, which I loved, and this joint needs a lot of work. My wife chose the house, saying it was “charming.” We can’t seem to agree on anything about renovations, and are fighting all the time. My wife is bringing up old fights and walks out of the room disgusted, dropping exit lines like “Maybe we should just forget…”

She’s leaving sentences unfinished, seeming to imply she wants to leave the marriage. Life seemed so happy and simple before this place. Please help us! Why is everything so different?

— Wanting Our Old Life Back, North End

Dear Wanting It Back: You were on the same page in the big, old comfy apartment you didn’t own — and there was no point in changing it. Now you’re crowded for space and there’s a high expectation for you to do home renovations.

Don’t let the house break you up! Creating more living space should be your priority — and that could be a basement rec room, a gazebo or a man cave in the garage. Space is what you’re craving, and you need to have fun so you can exhale and be happy together again. Make a deal with your wife to join her enthusiastically on house-fixing projects if she buys in to your creation-of-space ideas.

A quick fix for right now, to stop feeling so hemmed in, would be large mirrors to amplify your present space. Our brains can be tricked. Living rooms, bathrooms, bedrooms and even hallways with mirrors can make you feel less crowded, and happier.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m thoroughly grossed out by my boyfriend. He has always kept up a facade while living with me of being a progressive, caring guy, but we recently had a fight and he unloaded on me about how much he hates “social justice warriors.” I am apparently one, as I “march against every perceived injustice under the sun.”

He’s been reading — always dangerous. Now, he’s hauling out every online talking point I’ve ever read — and we had a huge blowout. Then he stormed out to his mother’s place, and I let him go. I’m at home with our baby.

The next day he apologized, but I told him, “too bad.” It’s clear who he really is! I would have just let him leave our relationship altogether, but his mother called to ask me to take her son back. I’m just so disgusted that he had all this hidden disdain for me and the causes I stand for. Am I right in sticking to my guns?

— Girlfriend of a Crappy Chameleon, St. James

Dear GF of Chameleon: Maybe you do spout off too much about all your social issues and the righteous anger you feel about a multitude of injustices. Think about that. It sounds a bit overwhelming and maybe you could scale back a little.

Why not give your relationship another try? Now that you’ve calmed down somewhat, you can agree to disagree at home and still be good parents to your shared child.

Don’t air your political fights in front of the baby. All they hear is the anger, and it shakes their security. When you disagree, talk things out after getting Grandma to take the little one for a few hours or an overnight.

You may wish to stop living together one day, but don’t stop parenting that baby with love, no matter how much your views on social justice issues differ.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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