Conditional sex ask the epitome of disrespect

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This article was published 04/11/2021 (1767 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out my boyfriend of seven months has other girls he sees when I’m not available. I’m so hurt! He’s a bit of a sex addict, so he wants/needs sex every day. At first, we were matched that way, but my need has settled down.

I’m so upset about these fill-in girlfriends. I confronted him, and he laughed and said: “Well, serves you right. Be there for me every day! Just move in with me, and keep me tired!”

I felt fear flutter in my stomach. I said, “I’ll have to think about that.”

Miss L., does this mean that, even if I lived with him and went away with my girlfriends or my folks for a weekend, he’d feel free to have sex with somebody else?

— Unsure About Next Move, East Kildonan

Dear Unsure: That’s exactly what it’d mean, and worse. He’s demanding daily sex as payment for being allowed to be his live-in. If you aren’t “on the job” one day, he’ll be visiting some other woman in his little black book — and it doesn’t stop at that. You can bet he’ll have a string of women, old and new, he also sees, as faithfulness means nothing to him.

This relationship with you is not about love, happiness, warmth and communication. It’s certainly not about respect. That’s clear by his actions and the way he talks down to you. It’s about in-house sexual services for him — and he’ll hold all the power.

Run from this sex junkie! Find a boyfriend who’s emotionally mature and healthy and is not looking for a woman who’ll be one notch up from a sex toy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is falling out of love with your wife a sin? I promised her in church to love her until the day I died, but my love has died early, and I’m still alive.

I don’t know why my feelings died, except we got so busy with work and children that we stopped talking to each other. We were just co-parents. We stopped having fun and stopped being affectionate. She moved to a different bedroom because I snore.

Then she had a short affair, which she confessed. I didn’t really care, although it hurt my pride. It didn’t make me want her more, that’s for sure. So now we’re at the end, at least in my mind and heart. The people we’re really going to hurt are our son and daughter. Please help!

— Ready to Leave ASAP, Wolseley

Dear Ready: For both your sakes, put out the money and line up a few sessions of marriage counselling, to negotiate a kinder ending. It’s better to air out your marital problems, talk them over, and work out a peaceful friendship. It’ll be healthier for your kids (and any possible grandkids) for you to be friendly with their mother.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had the strange luck to run into an old teacher of mine. I don’t mean old in years. I had such a crush on him in Grade 12 — and he knew it, I’m sure! Anyway, we both had no rings on our fingers — so single and available?

He mentioned he wasn’t teaching anymore — changed professions completely. I’m through two degrees and working now. Imagine my shock and amazement when I asked him out and he flatly refused me, for the weak reason that he used to be my teacher! So what? Who cares?

— Very Disappointed, St. James

Dear Disappointed: You were “forbidden fruit” when you were his teenage student, and he may have a kind of parental feeling towards you. Also, if you did date each other now, got serious and ended up married, people from your old school might wonder exactly when that relationship actually got started. It wouldn’t bother you, but it would bother him to be suspected. Consider looking for someone a lot like this former teacher, but closer to your own age with no shared history — and someone who really wants you back.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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