Slap-happy parent the one needing discipline

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/01/2022 (1685 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing in regard to the mother signing off as “Discipline is Necessary.” (That’s the mother who “backhands“ her 18-year-old daughter’s face, as discipline. (I said the “of age” young woman, who’s run away to her aunt, can legally stay there. —Miss L.)

I entirely agree discipline is necessary for kids. However, what she has done as a mother is assault her child, not discipline them. Hopefully, with the support of her loving aunt, they will call the police and report her. Just because she gave birth to her does not give her the right to treat her daughter in that fashion.

I come from a home where we were “disciplined” in the same fashion and it did nothing beneficial to me or my siblings. In fact, it’s done more harm and caused trauma we’re still dealing with.

I have a child of my own now, and you better believe my child is disciplined, well-behaved and an excellent member of society. And I have never laid a hand on my child.

I hope the woman’s daughter reaches out for support from a place like Klinic Community Health (klinic.mb.ca) to work through the abuse she has had inflicted on her.

— Firsthand Experience, Manitoba

Dear Firsthand: The mother you write about also added verbal cruelty to the violence she meted out. Thankfully, her reign of terror is over and the daughter finally escaped. That will probably not stop this mother from coming to try to drag her daughter away! But it sounds like determined Auntie will call the police on her nasty sister if she comes banging on the door.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband reeks of weed — his clothes, hair, everything. He gets away with it at work because they are so short-handed. Once he’s home, he keeps on smoking weed after dinner and all evening.

COVID is bad enough, but living with a husband who is not the intelligent, ambitious man I married makes it so depressing. I know I married “for better or for worse” but I can’t take any more “worse.” His words to me if I complain, are “Yeah, yeah… leave me alone.” I work full-time and I’m ready to do just that, but how?

The apartment’s in his name. Do I tell him ahead of time, or just find a small, new place of my own and leave him a note? I’m so mad and disgusted I hardly feel anything for him anymore.

— Almost Ready to Go, Fort Rouge

Dear Ready: Leaving a note and disappearing is too cruel. You married each other — presumably out of love. You owe him a big talk about seriously thinking of leaving him, and starting to make plans.

He may be totally shocked. Perhaps he’ll realize he doesn’t want to lose you, and come out of the cloud he’s living in. And maybe, just maybe, he has some serious complaints about you. Best-case scenario? He might be willing to do couples counselling.

If it ends up you both want to split, so be it. Figure out a fair financial arrangement, then search for a new place, leave a decent amount of money to settle up final expenses with your soon-to-be ex-husband, and go find your freedom.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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